When Dreams Change: Cheryl Johnson on 45 Moves, Motherhood, and Learning as Transformation

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Welcome to the Human Experience, a podcast about the stories we live

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out every day and the importance of championing the vulnerability and courage

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of the storyteller. I'm your host, Jennifer Peterkin, and it was

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through my own lived story of experiencing domestic violence that this

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podcast was created. By traveling the globe and interviewing each guest

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in person, I am convinced now more than ever, that stories have

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the power to change the world. Thank you for being here.

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In a world full of noise, to listen with intention is

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an act of resistance.

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Cheryl, thank you so much for sitting down with me in

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person. We're in Manassas. You're actually doing me a favor

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meeting me a little bit halfway here, but I'm so excited to hear your

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story. You sound like you've had a lot of adventures throughout your

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life, and I'm just really thrilled to hear about that. So if

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I ask you, where does your story start? What does

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that mean to you? I guess I would. I would

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have to go back to the first time I transported

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my. My parents transported me.

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I. I grew up in Wyoming. Okay. Which is, you know, to some people,

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kind of unique. Not a lot of people grow. I wouldn't say. I. I was

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born in Wyoming, and then when I was about eight years old, we moved to

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Alaska, which a lot of people, you know, once again, again. Yep,

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unique. Yeah, unique. And I remember how traumatic that was for

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me. At eight years old, I was in Wyoming. I was

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related to everybody in the small town of about 5,000 people.

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I think everybody in town was my relation.

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And I was very used to having grandparents, cousins, aunts,

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uncles, and even friends, even at 8 years old. And so to

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uproot me and take me to Alaska,

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I knew no one. I knew nothing. And you think 8 years old,

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you're pretty malleable. You're pretty adaptable. My mom will tell you. I cried and

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cried and cried and cried and cried.

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And there's two things that were significant about

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that. Obviously, I. I. For the first

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time, I flew on an airplane. Okay. And I.

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This is. This will really date me here.

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It's how old I am. It's in the days before we had tablets

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and all these things to entertain us, Right. So flying from, I remember,

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you know, Salt Lake to Seattle to anchor. We used to.

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We had headphones, and we would plug them in, and it was so cool

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to listen to Japanese people speak.

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Yeah. We didn't understand a word they said, but it was just fascinating.

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And we had, you know, they gave out playing cards. So you'd have,

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you know, my brothers And I'd play cards, and we once

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in a while had a book or a magazine or something to read, but for

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the most part, we were bored, and we were kids. And so when the

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flight attendants came by and we were bored, they were trying to entertain us kind

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of thing, and they said, oh, do you want to help us get up and

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pick up trash? And, hey, as eight years old, I was on an airplane.

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I was like, picking up trash is exciting. Yes. I get to get out

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of my seat. Yes, I know. And I feel like I'm important,

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you know, with these flight attendants walking up and down the aisles. And so

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two things that are significant about that is one, as you

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and I have talked about, you know, offline, is I've moved 45 times

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in my life. So this became the beginning of my journey of

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moving a lot and to a lot of different places, which was really exciting

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and challenging at the same time. But also it planted this little seed that

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I wanted to be a flight attendant. Oh. Which furthered my running

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around the world kind of adventures. So that's,

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I guess, where my story would start. Yeah, that's. I mean, it is an

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interesting place to start. Wyoming is not a place I've been,

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but it's on my short list of places I want to get to.

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And Alaska as well. I mean, really living

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in Alaska, I feel like that's a very small group of people that

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can say that. How long did you live in Alaska? I was only there

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five years, but yet I look at it as one of the most impactful

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experiences of my life. Yeah, I imagine. I mean, it's such a different

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place. You didn't move to Florida, so. No,

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which is where I was born and also moved around 8 years old up to

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Pennsylvania, so. Well, that's. That's pretty traumatic. Yeah.

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I mean, I. I understand what you were saying about just,

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you know, feeling like you were being taken away from

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the people that you were closest to.

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And I had family in Florida that I was extremely

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close to. Now, ironically, we were moving to a place where I There where

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even more family was. But. But growing up with that family,

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it was. It was hard, for sure. So on a small scale,

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I can. I can relate because I wasn't being transported

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to somewhere where I knew no one. So what brought

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your family to Alaska? As many times as I moved as a kid,

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people would always assume, oh, were you in the

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military? No, wasn't in the military. But my dad did work construction,

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but not at this particular point in time. So he just had my

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uncle Lived up there. And he's like, hey, why don't you come up here?

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You make good money. You know, it's when the oil boom was on and,

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you know, they were building the pipeline and all that kind of stuff. Although my

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dad did not work on the pipeline and all that, but he did work.

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It was one of the. His favorite places to work was when

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we lived up there. We lived in Kenai. And the good part about moving up

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there was everybody up there was from somewhere else.

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Yeah, everyone's a transplant, right? So everybody's looking for

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friends. Everybody. Very friendly, very open.

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I made friends. I made friends quickly. And they

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became lifelong friends. That's wonderful. Do a

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lot of them still live in Alaska? Yes, they do. I'm one of the few

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that does not still live in Alaska. And oddly enough, when I

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moved, when I was back, we moved to Arizona,

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not back to Wyoming when I was 12.

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And it was just my goal was, I am going back to Alaska

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at some point in time. And so when I was about 33,

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33 ish, and I had become a flight attendant,

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but I had retired from being a flight attendant, still had benefits,

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and my benefits were running out. I decided I

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was going back to Alaska. And so I reached out to my best friend and

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we, you know, we had communicated, but not regularly, maybe Christmas cards kind of

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thing. And I just said, hey, I'm coming up

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there. You don't have any place I can stay? And she's like,

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oh, dumb question. You're staying with me,

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obviously. I know. So I was like, okay, cool.

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That's cool. And I was literally only there for like 36 hours.

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Oh, wow. Because I was going to Seattle for something. I was living in Wyoming

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at that particular point, particular point in time. And so

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I was going back to Seattle for something else. So I thought, I'm just going

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to pop up to Alaska and back. And I

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remember I was going to get on this. I was thinking,

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I am so disappointed because my flight into Kenai, from Anchorage

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to kenai, was at 10 o' clock at night. And I was so disappointed.

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I was like, this, this is crazy. I want to be able to see outside

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the windows. And because Alaska is beautiful. That's one of the main attractions is it's

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beautiful. And this was on, ironically, on June

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22. Do you know anything about the summer solstice?

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Yeah. Right. So I get to Alaska and

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I get to Anchorage and it's, you know, 9 o' clock at night and

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it's still broad daylight. I get on the plane at 10 o', clock, and it's

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still broad daylight. So on my little plane, my little

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flight to Kenai, I got to see everything. Oh, awesome. Yeah. Got off the

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plane, and literally for, like, 36 hours, we just drove around,

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you know, visiting all of the places I grew up and reaching out, out to

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some of my other friends. And they were all like, oh, yes, let's get together

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and eat at this pizza place that we ate at when we were younger.

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So to me, that was a real

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testament to the fact that relationships can endure even

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if you don't stay in close contact. Yes. They remembered

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me. I remembered them. Picking up was like we had

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never been apart. That's wonderful. That has to feel so good all

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those years later. Yes. Yeah. So you moved to Arizona after

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Alaska, and was this just something

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that your. Your family was like, hey, we're gonna go where the job

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is, or we're just not affected by moving.

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It's just something that we're gonna do because we can. Like,

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what. What was the draw to moving? I didn't

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realize this till my dad was older and getting ready to retire.

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Was the grass is always greener on the

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other side. Sure. Kind of thing. He loved his job in Alaska. My mom wasn't

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really happy in Alaska for reasons we won't get into. I mean, it was a

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big drug culture up there. It was the seventies. My brothers were.

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I was still pretty young. I was 12, but my brothers were getting into high

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school. She wanted to get away from that. So we went to this really small

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town religious community in Arizona.

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Right. Big change. Big changes. Yeah.

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And this town was much like my town in Wyoming.

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Everybody knew everybody. Everybody was related. Moving to

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that town was like, nobody wanted to make friends. I was.

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Why would they want to be friends with me? They already had friends. And,

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you know, I can't say I didn't make any friends. I made one really good

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friend because she was kind of in the same boat. I was. Okay.

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And we have stayed friends since that time. But it

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was. It was a real culture shock. And I was just like, okay. I went

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from this very welcoming, open, let's everybody

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be friends to, you're a stranger. We don't care if you exist.

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Yeah, yeah. You're on the outside a little bit. So hopefully

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nobody in my family is listening to this. My mom would laugh.

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But I remember I was. I moved when

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I was in seventh grade, and I was getting ready to. You know, we lived

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there two years. I was getting ready to go to high school, and one of

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the teachers from the high school came over and was like, oh, you know,

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I want to welcome you. You know, the teachers want to be real welcoming.

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Right. And being the little brat that I was, I just looked at him,

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I said, I will never go to high school here. And I was right.

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We moved, but not because of me. And we moved

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back to Wyoming. Oh, okay. So did a nice triangle

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there. Yeah. And is that where you graduated?

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Yeah. Okay. I did graduate from high school there. And during

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that time, I was totally devoted

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to becoming a flight attendant. Everybody, what do you want to be when you grow

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up? You know, people have great aspirations to be doctors, lawyers. I said, no,

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I'm going to be a flight attendant. I knew nothing about being a

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flight attendant other than picking up trash on airplanes when I was young. But I

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knew I liked to travel. Yes. I had come to that conclusion that moving was

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traumatic. Moving was hard, but I liked meeting different

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people, going to different places, different cultures, and I liked being

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a tourist. But I loved living in areas and really getting to know

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people and different. You know, I. I feel very blessed because I feel like I've

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experienced a lot of different cultures. Yeah. Even within the

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United States. You'd be shocked how many different cultures there are.

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And so I feel really blessed in that aspect. And I remember,

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you know, like, I started when I was probably 16,

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filling and this once again, date myself. Had to type out all

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the applications, type up your cover letter, make no mistakes.

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No. Yes, that's right. You know, white out. Exactly.

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Kind of things. And so I would send in my applications, get rejected every six

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months. I'd do this every six months. Turned 18. Every six months, I would do

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this. Wow. And when I was 18. Well, I was 17, actually. Hadn't quite.

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I graduated early from high school at 17 and moved to California on

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my own by myself, and continued to apply, you know,

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and get rejected every six months.

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And then it was funny because I

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ended up moving back to Wyoming again after, I think I lived in California

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for like a year and a half and moved back. And I

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didn't know that airlines, when they hired, typically only

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hire if you live in a city and one of their bases. You know where

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their bases are at and why? Because if you're going to work for them,

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you want. Yeah. This is how much research I did.

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Right. Go figure that one. So anyway, I got back to

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Wyoming and my brother was actually living in Guam. My dad

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was working in Guam at that time. So my brother was with my dad and

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he was dating this girl that worked for Air Micronesia. And my brother,

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knowing how much I wanted to be a flight attendant, said, hey. She said

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that Air Micronesia is hiring. But Air Micronesia had gotten bought out by

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what used to be Continental and is now United. Okay.

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So I. I reached

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out to them, I got their address in la, and they're like, no, we've moved

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our base to Houston because Houston's where Continental, that Air Micronesia was in la.

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Anyway, you don't want to get into all the logistics of this, but it is

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somewhat important to the story. So I reach out to Houston,

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and Houston's like, no, our recruiters are in Denver right now. They're not here,

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so you can't talk to them. Oh. And I was like,

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recruiters? Hey, I've gotten past sending

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in applications and getting rejections in the mail.

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Now I know they have recruiters, and they're in Denver and I'm

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in Wyoming at the time. I'm thinking, hmm,

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I've learned enough to know that they recruiters, when they interview,

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they were doing interviews, obviously, and group interviews, and they

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do them at hotels. So my logic was,

225
00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,439
it's gotta be a hotel near the airport. So what did I do? I get

226
00:14:24,939 --> 00:14:28,440
out the Denver phone book, this big, thick phone book. I look

227
00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:33,480
up every hotel that is near the airport, and I call every hotel, and shock

228
00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,480
of all shocks, after I don't know how many calls, one of them's like,

229
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:39,710
yeah, they're here. Yeah. Do you want to leave a message for them? I'm like,

230
00:14:40,210 --> 00:14:43,870
well, of course I want to leave a message for him. Silly question. And thinking

231
00:14:44,370 --> 00:14:47,910
they'll never return my call. They return my call. Oh, my goodness. And they're like,

232
00:14:48,150 --> 00:14:51,350
if you can get here. This was on a Thursday.

233
00:14:51,670 --> 00:14:54,750
If you can get here by tomorrow at 4pm you can come to our

234
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:58,710
final interview. Wow. And I was like, okay.

235
00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:02,550
So I hop on a plane, I fly to Denver,

236
00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:07,630
and I go to the group interview and divine

237
00:15:08,130 --> 00:15:11,310
intervention. Providence, call it what you like. I happened

238
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:15,270
to be on the shuttle bus with the recruiters going back

239
00:15:15,770 --> 00:15:18,070
to the airport. I was going back to fly home. They were. They were going

240
00:15:18,570 --> 00:15:21,790
back to fly home, and they laughed. We were on the shuttle bus laughing and

241
00:15:22,290 --> 00:15:24,990
joking, and they're like, I can't believe you really came.

242
00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:28,950
And I'm like, I can't believe you. You really returned

243
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:32,590
my call. Yeah. And so, you know, I got. That's how I

244
00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:36,150
got hired and became a flight attendant. So did you move to Houston after that?

245
00:15:36,650 --> 00:15:38,710
Okay, I did move to Houston. So we're at Wyoming,

246
00:15:39,430 --> 00:15:43,030
Alaska, California, Arizona, Texas, that's five

247
00:15:43,110 --> 00:15:46,869
so far, Right. I love the tenacity of

248
00:15:47,369 --> 00:15:51,230
that story. I mean, truly, it is. So many of us don't know

249
00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:55,270
what we want at that age, which I think is completely fair. Right?

250
00:15:55,510 --> 00:15:59,110
Totally. But if you do know what you want and you're willing to chase after

251
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:02,160
it, there's nothing that says you can't get it. But,

252
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:07,520
you know, even now, thinking about how much probably

253
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,160
in some ways simpler that process would be, just because everything

254
00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:16,120
is online. You can find everybody online. I mean, you were digging through

255
00:16:16,620 --> 00:16:19,920
the phone book. You were, you know, going to the library,

256
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,480
looking up United Airlines has a book in the library with all their

257
00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:27,760
addresses. Oh, my God. Yeah. See, I love that. I love the.

258
00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:32,960
The tenacity of that story. That's such a. I think it's such a testament

259
00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:36,880
to your character and probably sets up the rest of your story,

260
00:16:37,380 --> 00:16:40,840
which I know continues to be adventurous. So. But real

261
00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:44,960
quick, why did you go to California after you graduated? That's an interesting.

262
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:48,640
That story is totally. You could do a

263
00:16:49,140 --> 00:16:52,800
whole podcast on that. But long story short, I was from

264
00:16:53,300 --> 00:16:56,730
small town, usa. I wanted to live in the big city. Yeah. I was like,

265
00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:59,410
you know, the grass is always greener on the other side. I got that from

266
00:16:59,910 --> 00:17:03,850
my dad. And my aunt lived out in California, and she's

267
00:17:04,350 --> 00:17:06,410
like, hey, you know, when you graduate, if you want to come out here.

268
00:17:06,570 --> 00:17:09,930
She lived in Fresno, which, you know, it's not the big city.

269
00:17:10,010 --> 00:17:13,610
But the good part was it was right in central California.

270
00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:17,010
So on weekends, I'd go to LA or San Francisco. I had

271
00:17:17,510 --> 00:17:21,330
friends in LA and San Francisco, and I'd go visit them, and we

272
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:26,070
had a great time. And so I just wanted to experience big

273
00:17:26,570 --> 00:17:30,350
city life. Yeah. But the odd part was, was I was

274
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:34,270
living in Fresno and things weren't. Like I said, this is a. To get to

275
00:17:34,770 --> 00:17:37,670
a whole podcast on my California experience. But I was.

276
00:17:38,310 --> 00:17:40,550
I. While I was in high school,

277
00:17:42,710 --> 00:17:46,030
thinking I probably wouldn't get to be a flight attendant as soon as I would

278
00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:49,910
like. I took a ton of office classes, you know, typing,

279
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,710
shorthand, all those things we don't do anymore. I mean, we type on a computer,

280
00:17:54,210 --> 00:17:56,790
but, I mean, I had to type on a typewriter, you know, kind of thing.

281
00:17:57,490 --> 00:18:00,930
And I was able to, at. I think I was 18 by that point,

282
00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:04,490
secure a job as the executive secretary to

283
00:18:04,990 --> 00:18:07,970
the vice president of Risk Management in Fresno County. Wow.

284
00:18:08,130 --> 00:18:11,810
Yeah. Because I could do shorthand and I could take shorthand very well,

285
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:15,450
which is a very difficult skill,

286
00:18:15,950 --> 00:18:19,730
believe it or not. And that job wasn't going real

287
00:18:20,230 --> 00:18:23,690
well. It had its share of challenges, personality wise,

288
00:18:24,190 --> 00:18:26,850
with people I was working with because there were some people there that weren't happy

289
00:18:27,350 --> 00:18:29,790
that an 18 year old girl was the executive secretary.

290
00:18:30,350 --> 00:18:33,710
They needed to learn shorthand is what I'm hearing. I know, exactly.

291
00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:37,630
So I applied for a job in San Francisco and I got it.

292
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,150
And I was very good at getting jobs. Very, very good at getting jobs.

293
00:18:41,650 --> 00:18:44,949
It sounds like it, yeah. Because that tenacity that pays off in so

294
00:18:45,449 --> 00:18:49,230
many ways. But my grandparents had come out and they wanted to go to Disney.

295
00:18:49,790 --> 00:18:53,190
So I went, you know, in between jobs, I went

296
00:18:53,690 --> 00:18:56,830
to Disney with them and I came back to Fresno, packed my car,

297
00:18:56,990 --> 00:19:00,890
was driving to San Francisco. My grandparents got to Fresno

298
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:04,610
and they were going to Sacramento and then head east to Wyoming.

299
00:19:05,410 --> 00:19:08,970
And don't ask me what happened.

300
00:19:09,470 --> 00:19:13,210
I mean, I mean emotionally, to this day I can't explain what happened because

301
00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:16,890
I'm very adventurous, as you could tell. And I'm not afraid to go places by

302
00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:20,930
myself and, you know, take on, tackle the world. My grandma was

303
00:19:21,430 --> 00:19:24,610
always like, she can tackle the world.

304
00:19:25,090 --> 00:19:28,460
So I got to the place where I had, you know,

305
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,940
decided I was going to live and the family, I was going to rent from

306
00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,780
them that basement apartment and they came

307
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:39,660
out to my car to help me bring my stuff in. And as I started

308
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:44,780
unpacking my car, I just broke down sobbing,

309
00:19:45,500 --> 00:19:49,540
crying. And I'm not a crier, I just don't cry. Dogs die.

310
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,990
That's about the only thing that'll make me cry is when dogs die. I'm not

311
00:19:53,490 --> 00:19:56,270
a very fair, I'm not a real emotional person.

312
00:19:56,990 --> 00:20:00,110
And I got in my car,

313
00:20:00,350 --> 00:20:03,150
packed it back up and went to Wyoming. Wow.

314
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:08,350
Just like that. Yeah. Hey, you know what? Sometimes that's

315
00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:11,390
how it goes. And for three weeks I didn't come out of my bedroom.

316
00:20:11,550 --> 00:20:15,710
Oh, wow. And there was nothing that you could pinpoint that's

317
00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:19,790
so interesting. Nothing so interesting. Clearly your, your body

318
00:20:20,290 --> 00:20:23,460
and your mind needed some sort of break from

319
00:20:23,540 --> 00:20:26,820
something. Yeah, yeah, that's so interesting.

320
00:20:27,860 --> 00:20:31,580
So, you know, ended up being good because you got to go

321
00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:34,980
to Denver and get your job and move to Houston.

322
00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:38,780
So the big question was being a

323
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:42,380
flight attendant, all you thought it would be. Let's go

324
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:46,140
back a step. Okay. Okay. And I don't know, I can't

325
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,790
tell you if these two things were connected or not. I, once I came

326
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:53,630
out of my bedroom, went and got a job, decided I was

327
00:20:54,130 --> 00:20:57,550
going to go to college. Oh, okay. Guess what? So I went to the local

328
00:20:58,050 --> 00:21:02,950
community college and I was. Had an 8:00am Psychology

329
00:21:03,450 --> 00:21:08,430
class. And I went to the class and I

330
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:12,510
don't know, a couple weeks in, the teacher was like, hey, we need somebody

331
00:21:13,010 --> 00:21:16,780
to read to this guy that was sitting behind me. And my

332
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,100
thought was, you're in college and you don't know how to read?

333
00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:25,180
What is wrong with you? You know? But it

334
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,500
was weird because this per. This guy that would come in every morning,

335
00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:33,220
come in, sit at his desk, brought a tape recorder, turn a tape recorder

336
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,100
on and go to sleep. Oh. I was like, oh, so you want me to

337
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:40,140
read to you because you sleep through class? Well, come to find out this

338
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,610
guy's blind. Okay. I didn't know it for a couple weeks.

339
00:21:44,110 --> 00:21:46,890
I mean, I had no idea. Yeah. So he wore sunglasses. I just thought he

340
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:49,770
just wanted to go to sleep in class. What could I. But I volunteered to

341
00:21:50,270 --> 00:21:52,410
read to him and we ended up getting married.

342
00:21:54,010 --> 00:21:56,890
Big jump. Yeah.

343
00:21:57,530 --> 00:22:00,890
So he went with. I was married by the time I was a flight attendant

344
00:22:01,390 --> 00:22:05,210
and went to Houston. Oh, wow. So how, how long here,

345
00:22:05,530 --> 00:22:08,170
my timeline here. I know.

346
00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:12,090
So when you moved back to wyoming, you were 18. 18.

347
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:16,680
But when you got the job with Micronesia,

348
00:22:17,180 --> 00:22:19,988
which was continental. Yeah. How old were you? 21.

349
00:22:20,092 --> 00:22:23,040
21. Okay, so we've got three years in between.

350
00:22:23,360 --> 00:22:26,920
So how long were you in school? I was

351
00:22:27,420 --> 00:22:30,440
only in school for probably a year and. Well, no,

352
00:22:30,940 --> 00:22:34,840
I was two years. It was a junior college. Okay. And you

353
00:22:35,340 --> 00:22:38,920
met this guy and started dating.

354
00:22:39,420 --> 00:22:42,840
Dating. I'm sorry, it just sounds like a rom

355
00:22:43,340 --> 00:22:47,320
com. I know most

356
00:22:47,820 --> 00:22:51,360
people don't believe my story. I believe you. I know,

357
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:55,200
I definitely believe you. But it's so interesting. Okay, so you,

358
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,400
you meet, you volunteer to read to him,

359
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:02,240
you end up dating, you end up getting married, and he moves

360
00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:05,810
out with you to Houston. So at

361
00:23:06,310 --> 00:23:10,250
that point, had you dated a lot or was this somebody,

362
00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:13,930
like, was this a new experience for you? No, I dated.

363
00:23:14,490 --> 00:23:17,450
I mean, I wouldn't say I was, you know,

364
00:23:17,850 --> 00:23:21,449
the most popular girl in town, but I never really suffered from a lack

365
00:23:21,949 --> 00:23:24,650
of. I didn't have a lot of long term relationships. Okay,

366
00:23:25,530 --> 00:23:29,130
Well, I shouldn't say that I did have one. It wasn't a long term relationship.

367
00:23:29,290 --> 00:23:32,940
I was supposed. Prior to. When I was a

368
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,780
senior in high school, so this was prior to leaving. I was dating a guy

369
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,740
and he was a year older than me, so he went off to college and

370
00:23:40,820 --> 00:23:44,540
we were supposed to get married. Well, and we were supposed to get married

371
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,460
on my birthday, like the summer I graduated. And that would have preempted

372
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,700
me going to California. But that's not why I went to California.

373
00:23:51,860 --> 00:23:54,980
California was totally. I wanted to do that,

374
00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:59,380
but he ended up getting married on my birthday to

375
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,060
someone else. What? Yeah. So, I mean,

376
00:24:03,540 --> 00:24:06,740
that was probably the only long term. Yeah. And that

377
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,100
was probably a six month relationship. I wouldn't say it was super long. Yeah.

378
00:24:10,580 --> 00:24:13,980
But everybody else that I dated, you know, I just dated. Even if I did

379
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:17,980
date, and I dated this guy in California for the year and a half

380
00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,860
I was out there, but I never really liked. I mean, I can't. I really.

381
00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:26,100
I wasn't in love with him. Okay. Yeah, we were friends. Yeah. I enjoyed

382
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:30,500
him. He wanted to get married, I didn't. So there were people that I dated,

383
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,580
but never. I couldn't, other than this one that I was going to get married

384
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,860
to. Never considered them really serious. Right.

385
00:24:37,020 --> 00:24:40,700
Yeah. Because it's interesting with somebody that likes to

386
00:24:41,340 --> 00:24:45,460
bounce around, has traveled and to settle

387
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,820
down like that, or quote, unquote, settle down. What that

388
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:53,820
means for a lot of people is right, you know, putting down the roots and

389
00:24:53,980 --> 00:24:57,720
buying the house and the two and a half kids in the white picket fence.

390
00:24:58,220 --> 00:25:02,120
And that's certainly not what it looks like for everybody, clearly. But yeah,

391
00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,240
it's just an interesting piece of your story.

392
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:09,080
I know. So he had

393
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,840
no problems moving to Houston? Yeah, he had problems moving.

394
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,720
Oh, okay. I lived in Houston for probably six

395
00:25:17,220 --> 00:25:21,000
months before he finally came down. Okay. Now, was his family in Wyoming?

396
00:25:21,500 --> 00:25:25,120
Oh, yes. Okay. Born and raised. Never moved anywhere. Oh, my goodness. I lived in

397
00:25:25,620 --> 00:25:28,340
two houses. The house he was raised in and the house that he bought when

398
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,340
he was 19. Wow. Yeah. Total opposite. That's why he was. His family

399
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,020
didn't want him to move. You know, he didn't want to move. And you can

400
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,460
understand, I mean, when I say I married a guy that was blind,

401
00:25:39,780 --> 00:25:43,100
that automatically conjures up all kinds of ideas in people's

402
00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,060
minds. So let me dispel a lot of that. He was extremely

403
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,900
adventurous in terms of, you know, he downhill skied,

404
00:25:51,460 --> 00:25:54,540
he rode bicycles, he walked everywhere.

405
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,920
He was really independent, extreme, other than just wanting some.

406
00:25:58,230 --> 00:26:01,470
Needing somebody to read to him, you know. And he was

407
00:26:01,970 --> 00:26:05,070
very outgoing. I was, I've always been more of an

408
00:26:05,570 --> 00:26:08,750
introvert, believe it or not. And he was the outgoing type.

409
00:26:09,250 --> 00:26:11,750
Had lots of friends. So breaking all those ties.

410
00:26:12,230 --> 00:26:15,950
And he. And his impression is if he moved, he was

411
00:26:16,450 --> 00:26:18,950
breaking all those ties. And I'm like, dude, man, I've lived all over the place.

412
00:26:19,450 --> 00:26:22,470
I have so many friends all over. Yeah, yeah.

413
00:26:22,550 --> 00:26:25,710
And you can have friends all over. So he did finally come. And he was

414
00:26:26,210 --> 00:26:29,880
happy that he came. Were you married at that point and just living separately?

415
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,360
Okay, that's.

416
00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:37,400
Yeah. I mean, people do that all the time, too. So it's. It's just trying

417
00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:40,720
to figure out how to do life together. Right. It's no different than any other

418
00:26:41,220 --> 00:26:44,520
couple. That's. Yeah. We didn't have kids or anything. Yeah. How to do

419
00:26:45,020 --> 00:26:48,760
life, so. And what. What did he do? Went to school.

420
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,560
Okay, so he was a student at the time when you were married and

421
00:26:53,060 --> 00:26:56,610
you got your big break and, you know, you were like,

422
00:26:57,110 --> 00:26:59,850
I'm not giving this up because I've wanted this since I was,

423
00:27:00,490 --> 00:27:03,930
you know, eight. Whatever. Eight. Yeah. When you took that plane.

424
00:27:04,430 --> 00:27:08,050
Yeah, exactly. I want to pick up trash on airplanes. Yes, I know. And I

425
00:27:08,550 --> 00:27:12,010
got good at picking up trash on airplanes. Oh, I believe it.

426
00:27:12,650 --> 00:27:15,610
So. So, yeah, I guess. Was that something that.

427
00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:19,690
I'm sure his family struggled when he did finally move? Oh, yeah.

428
00:27:20,190 --> 00:27:23,460
Was that something that they held against you? Yes. That's so hard. Very much.

429
00:27:24,100 --> 00:27:26,660
They loved me and then they hated me.

430
00:27:27,700 --> 00:27:31,540
Well, first of all, I was a flight attendant, so in their words,

431
00:27:31,620 --> 00:27:34,940
not mine, all flight attendants. All flight attendants are

432
00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:38,900
sluts. What? Yeah. Oh, that's.

433
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,180
That's an opinion, I guess. Yeah.

434
00:27:42,980 --> 00:27:46,660
Why? Well, don't, you know, I mean, and I will Admit,

435
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,340
during the 70s and early 80s, people looked at it as, oh,

436
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,950
you. You know, you're always traveling, and because

437
00:27:54,450 --> 00:27:57,470
you're in all these different cities, you have a guy in every place you go,

438
00:27:58,270 --> 00:28:02,150
it very much was a stereotype. Okay. I will admit. So I

439
00:28:02,650 --> 00:28:06,350
can't say that their buying into that stereotype was completely wrong,

440
00:28:06,750 --> 00:28:11,350
but it was like, you clearly don't know me. And so this is,

441
00:28:11,850 --> 00:28:15,350
what I would say is the most significant turning point in

442
00:28:15,850 --> 00:28:19,570
my life was when I got married to him and then

443
00:28:20,070 --> 00:28:24,130
we moved was because, yes, being married to

444
00:28:24,630 --> 00:28:27,210
a blind person was. Had its challenges.

445
00:28:27,850 --> 00:28:31,690
I was very naive. I've always been very naive, willing to

446
00:28:32,190 --> 00:28:36,130
jump into things I have know nothing about. And I'll

447
00:28:36,630 --> 00:28:40,010
never say that I regret marrying him, but I will

448
00:28:40,510 --> 00:28:44,130
say that being married to him and having

449
00:28:44,630 --> 00:28:48,460
kids and that experience just

450
00:28:48,620 --> 00:28:51,780
totally. I wouldn't say changed who

451
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,940
I was, but it helped me ground who I

452
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:59,820
was. That tenacious, resilient, bouncing back from,

453
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,580
you know, difficult things in my life has always been there.

454
00:29:03,980 --> 00:29:07,420
That's never changed. But when I got married,

455
00:29:08,140 --> 00:29:11,790
I've always. I had always been a pretty religious, you know,

456
00:29:12,290 --> 00:29:15,830
person or whatever, and he was not. I mean,

457
00:29:16,330 --> 00:29:20,150
totally not. Okay. He was a partier. He drank the

458
00:29:20,650 --> 00:29:24,310
reason he was blind and he's since passed away because he was riding a bike

459
00:29:24,810 --> 00:29:27,629
and got hit by a semi. Oh, my God. I know. So that's a whole.

460
00:29:27,870 --> 00:29:31,790
Like I said, we could do podcasts on. Seriously? This is. This is part

461
00:29:32,290 --> 00:29:34,910
one. Yeah. This is the big overview.

462
00:29:35,790 --> 00:29:38,670
And so he wasn't born blind. No.

463
00:29:39,070 --> 00:29:42,590
Interesting. He put a gun to his head when he was 19 and

464
00:29:43,090 --> 00:29:46,110
pulled the trigger. Wow. And he wasn't trying to commit suicide.

465
00:29:46,430 --> 00:29:49,070
They were playing Russian wheel because they were partying,

466
00:29:49,630 --> 00:29:53,230
him and his friend. Oh, my gosh. But I was.

467
00:29:53,730 --> 00:29:57,270
I came after the fact. Yeah. You only knew him when he

468
00:29:57,770 --> 00:30:01,270
was blind. That's actually. So when you were saying that he

469
00:30:01,770 --> 00:30:05,510
was so adventurous and he did all of these things, I assumed,

470
00:30:05,750 --> 00:30:08,310
obviously. Excuse me, obviously wrongly,

471
00:30:08,790 --> 00:30:11,950
that he did because he had been born blind. So he

472
00:30:12,450 --> 00:30:15,350
had, you know, his whole life to kind of adapt. Adapt.

473
00:30:15,430 --> 00:30:19,110
And. No, he. He was blind at 19

474
00:30:19,670 --> 00:30:23,430
and then continued to do all of these adventurous

475
00:30:23,930 --> 00:30:27,270
things. That's kind of wild, actually. It is. Yeah. Part of

476
00:30:27,770 --> 00:30:32,180
that was cause of his friends. His friends were like, you know, they like,

477
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,260
we're going skiing this weekend. You're going with us. You know,

478
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:40,140
we're going hunting this weekend. You're going with us. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And they

479
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:43,580
just drug him everywhere. And, you know, it got him out from being depressed and

480
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,580
all the things that can come along with that. So that was the part of

481
00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,580
him that I really appreciated, respected. But it really.

482
00:30:50,980 --> 00:30:54,180
When I'm a deeply religious person and he's not,

483
00:30:54,420 --> 00:30:59,180
that creates a huge rift in my relationship. And in

484
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,130
so many ways, it made me even more religious. Even more.

485
00:31:03,630 --> 00:31:07,370
Like, I got more. I don't use. Like to use this word, dug in,

486
00:31:07,770 --> 00:31:11,730
but that's. I became more dug in. And it. I do believe that it

487
00:31:12,230 --> 00:31:17,210
is my religious values and my faith that got me through the incredibly

488
00:31:17,450 --> 00:31:20,970
difficult life I had while we were married. And I'm not saying that's

489
00:31:21,470 --> 00:31:23,610
because he was blind. I'm not saying that's because he wasn't a member of the

490
00:31:24,110 --> 00:31:26,330
church. Those things contributed to it. But,

491
00:31:27,140 --> 00:31:30,180
you know, we. We lived in Houston for two years. I had a baby,

492
00:31:30,680 --> 00:31:34,260
and we moved to Maryland. Okay. Okay. And I transferred.

493
00:31:34,420 --> 00:31:37,220
And like I said, we could do a whole podcast on that whole thing too,

494
00:31:37,700 --> 00:31:41,380
but financially it was.

495
00:31:42,020 --> 00:31:45,220
And when finances, I. There were so many times I can.

496
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,380
I can honestly say, if I hadn't had a parents and

497
00:31:49,460 --> 00:31:53,060
a really good, supportive family, we would have been homeless.

498
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:57,440
Cause we just. We didn't have money. We didn't have you know,

499
00:31:57,940 --> 00:32:01,560
he couldn't get a job. I, at this point, back to

500
00:32:02,060 --> 00:32:05,520
your question that I haven't answered yet. Being a flight attendant wasn't

501
00:32:06,020 --> 00:32:09,160
everything I thought it was. I think had I, at the time I came,

502
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:13,440
the reason I got hired and the reason they were hiring

503
00:32:13,940 --> 00:32:17,560
so many people at the time is because deregulation hit the airline industry in

504
00:32:18,060 --> 00:32:21,360
the early 80s. And so all of the regular flight attendants and all their

505
00:32:21,860 --> 00:32:25,190
regular people were on strike. So I was a scab, crossed picket lines,

506
00:32:25,690 --> 00:32:29,150
which created a whole thing, a whole new problem. And because of that,

507
00:32:30,030 --> 00:32:33,790
there were so many delays and so many canceled flights and I would leave one

508
00:32:34,290 --> 00:32:37,190
day and think I was coming back in two days and not come back for

509
00:32:37,690 --> 00:32:41,150
a week. Wow. And I don't want to say this and scare people from flying,

510
00:32:41,630 --> 00:32:45,030
but keep in mind, if the flight attendants and

511
00:32:45,530 --> 00:32:48,030
the pilots are on strike, that means your mechanics are on strike. So that means

512
00:32:48,190 --> 00:32:51,510
the airplanes aren't operating at, you know, and I can't tell

513
00:32:52,010 --> 00:32:56,110
you how many near misses we had. You know, like I said, that's another podcast

514
00:32:56,610 --> 00:33:01,510
for a whole nother day. But I ended up taking early retirement because

515
00:33:02,010 --> 00:33:05,590
of all of the chaos and everything that was going on. And so I didn't

516
00:33:06,090 --> 00:33:09,790
have a job. Was this after Houston or in Maryland?

517
00:33:10,290 --> 00:33:13,430
In Maryland. Okay. Yeah. When we moved to Maryland,

518
00:33:14,310 --> 00:33:17,630
believe it or not, prior to moving to Maryland, we had saved

519
00:33:18,130 --> 00:33:20,730
up quite a bit of money. Cause I was making good money as a flight

520
00:33:21,230 --> 00:33:24,610
attendant. He got, you know, Social Security, disability plus

521
00:33:25,110 --> 00:33:28,210
he was working a part time job. And we didn't have kids. So, you know,

522
00:33:28,710 --> 00:33:31,130
we were saving money. We'd saved quite a bit of money. Saved enough money to

523
00:33:31,630 --> 00:33:35,090
go buy a house in Maryland. And I still remember the night

524
00:33:35,590 --> 00:33:38,850
before we closed and we went to a very reputable realtor to help us

525
00:33:39,350 --> 00:33:44,010
buy the house, who then in turn referred us to a very reputable mortgage

526
00:33:44,510 --> 00:33:47,790
person, broker. What are they called? Lender. Lender. Thank you.

527
00:33:48,510 --> 00:33:52,470
And the night before we were supposed to close, we had preoccupied

528
00:33:52,970 --> 00:33:56,910
the house for reasons we won't go into right here. And we were renting it

529
00:33:57,410 --> 00:34:00,790
while we were waiting for the loan and everything to go through. And I had

530
00:34:01,290 --> 00:34:04,590
gotten really sick. I was. I had a baby. So the baby

531
00:34:05,090 --> 00:34:08,430
obviously came with us to Maryland. And I was pregnant with my second

532
00:34:08,930 --> 00:34:12,160
one. Oh, wow. And so I was

533
00:34:12,660 --> 00:34:15,400
really sick. The first one I wasn't sick at all, but the second one I

534
00:34:15,900 --> 00:34:19,120
was sick all the time. Really, really sick. So I couldn't fly. So I

535
00:34:19,620 --> 00:34:23,720
was still employed, but I couldn't fly and the lender

536
00:34:24,220 --> 00:34:27,400
came to our door, knocked on our door, which is like, unheard of, and said,

537
00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:31,360
hey, if you don't come up with X number of dollars, you can't close on

538
00:34:31,860 --> 00:34:34,920
the house tomorrow. And I'm like, first of all, this is weird that you're coming

539
00:34:35,420 --> 00:34:38,840
to my house. And, you know, they have all your bank statements. They know everything

540
00:34:39,340 --> 00:34:42,690
about your life. They knew and we had planned, here's enough

541
00:34:43,190 --> 00:34:45,890
money to buy the house. I wasn't going to be able to work, but we

542
00:34:46,390 --> 00:34:50,210
were going to have this extra money in order to get through this difficult

543
00:34:50,710 --> 00:34:53,850
time. And they basically said,

544
00:34:54,250 --> 00:34:57,329
if you don't, you know, give us how. I can't remember the dollar amount,

545
00:34:57,829 --> 00:35:01,130
but however much money was left in my bank account, you can't close. So being

546
00:35:01,630 --> 00:35:04,890
young and naive, we gave them everything, which left

547
00:35:05,390 --> 00:35:08,150
us with nothing. Nothing.

548
00:35:08,870 --> 00:35:12,670
And it was that those was just. That was

549
00:35:13,170 --> 00:35:15,910
the beginning of the really, really difficult challenges ahead.

550
00:35:16,550 --> 00:35:20,230
And I. And I've written a little short book on this.

551
00:35:20,310 --> 00:35:23,270
You know, that's when my religious faith.

552
00:35:23,750 --> 00:35:27,430
That's when I really. That's why I turned so much.

553
00:35:27,930 --> 00:35:31,950
I had always been that way. I'd always had a pro. You know, proclivity sounds

554
00:35:32,450 --> 00:35:35,860
weird toward that, but it was like I just

555
00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:39,420
dug in deep. I was like, heavenly Father, I need you.

556
00:35:40,140 --> 00:35:43,500
I cannot do this on my own. This is above and beyond.

557
00:35:43,820 --> 00:35:47,180
You know, the pregnancy was really bad. She ended up in icu.

558
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:51,140
When she was born, that was another whole, you know, story in

559
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:55,260
and of itself. And there were so many stories in between there

560
00:35:55,660 --> 00:35:59,420
of miracles. You know, the times where I feel like divine intervention.

561
00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:03,650
Heavenly Father, call it what you like, stepped in to help me get through this.

562
00:36:03,810 --> 00:36:07,210
Well, my husband was not. He wasn't

563
00:36:07,710 --> 00:36:11,250
on board with that. Glad you do that. Glad you pray. Glad,

564
00:36:11,750 --> 00:36:14,930
you know. Yeah, I see there's little miracles here and there. You know,

565
00:36:15,430 --> 00:36:18,730
whatever they're coincidence, Call it what you like. And so that was

566
00:36:19,230 --> 00:36:22,890
causing a big rift in our relationship. So he's

567
00:36:23,390 --> 00:36:27,340
blind, can't get a job. While he was getting ill, believe it or

568
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,340
not, he did have jobs. They were one of them. Most of them were washing

569
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,420
dishes. Like, how can you wash dishes in a restaurant when you're blind? Oh,

570
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:38,220
that's why I say people have to get out of their mind,

571
00:36:38,620 --> 00:36:41,980
the vision they have of a blind person. Because he just.

572
00:36:42,699 --> 00:36:46,620
I. Like I said we could go into hours of that story,

573
00:36:47,740 --> 00:36:50,460
but he, you know, he's making minimum wage.

574
00:36:51,420 --> 00:36:54,710
So it was just. We were drawing

575
00:36:55,210 --> 00:36:57,750
farther and farther and farther apart. Yeah. So,

576
00:36:58,870 --> 00:37:02,550
yeah, I Mean, wow, that's. That's a lot. So your

577
00:37:03,050 --> 00:37:07,110
mortgage lender was taking you for a ride, and they eventually

578
00:37:07,610 --> 00:37:10,070
got sued, and for mortgage fraud,

579
00:37:10,790 --> 00:37:13,750
they got shut down a couple years later. Yeah.

580
00:37:14,230 --> 00:37:17,430
So were your families helping you out at this point, then?

581
00:37:17,930 --> 00:37:21,590
My family was. Your family was. His family wouldn't help us. Okay. Is this because

582
00:37:22,090 --> 00:37:25,840
they were. Ever since he moved to Houston, you were Persona non

583
00:37:26,340 --> 00:37:29,600
grata, even after you had kids and everything? Oh, yeah. Got even worse.

584
00:37:29,760 --> 00:37:33,080
Really? How come? Well, I can't

585
00:37:33,580 --> 00:37:36,800
say it was totally their fault. I was pretty ornery and stubborn, and it's like,

586
00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:39,640
if you're going to treat me this way, I'm not going out of my way

587
00:37:40,140 --> 00:37:43,920
to bring the grandkids to see you. I always said, you can go take them,

588
00:37:44,420 --> 00:37:47,400
you can go see them. Yeah, but I'm not going with you. And then they

589
00:37:47,900 --> 00:37:49,760
got all upset, you know, that's.

590
00:37:51,090 --> 00:37:54,530
So. I can't say it was all their fault, but it just got. And they

591
00:37:55,030 --> 00:37:58,250
were like, you shouldn't be a flight attendant and you should just come back to

592
00:37:58,750 --> 00:38:02,290
Wyoming and live the life that we think you should live.

593
00:38:02,790 --> 00:38:06,490
And then if you will, maybe we'll help you, whatever. And I

594
00:38:06,990 --> 00:38:10,490
was like, you know. No. Was his

595
00:38:10,990 --> 00:38:14,410
family religious? No. Okay. No. No. Not at all. Okay. Not at

596
00:38:14,910 --> 00:38:18,390
all. So. And I'm assuming yours was, you were raised now? My parents.

597
00:38:18,470 --> 00:38:22,190
Yeah, your parents were. So you moved

598
00:38:22,690 --> 00:38:27,190
to Maryland. You can't be working because you're so sick with your second pregnancy after

599
00:38:28,070 --> 00:38:31,990
your daughter is born. Is that when you take retirement?

600
00:38:32,870 --> 00:38:36,230
Not. Yeah, when she was about 18 months old.

601
00:38:36,730 --> 00:38:39,750
I did go back to work after she was born. We needed the money desperately,

602
00:38:40,310 --> 00:38:43,730
and. But straw that

603
00:38:44,230 --> 00:38:46,130
broke the camel's back basically was.

604
00:38:47,490 --> 00:38:51,930
It was on a Sunday, and I was cleaning

605
00:38:52,430 --> 00:38:55,850
the bathroom, and he was using chemicals to clean the bathroom. So I had the

606
00:38:56,350 --> 00:39:00,810
door closed and the window open, and he

607
00:39:01,310 --> 00:39:04,530
was out mowing the lawn. Everybody's like, blind people don't mow the lawn. Well,

608
00:39:05,030 --> 00:39:07,970
he mows the lawn. I mean, yes, there is a fence, so he's not going

609
00:39:08,470 --> 00:39:11,750
to, you know, rent, whatever. Anyway, my oldest child

610
00:39:12,550 --> 00:39:16,710
that he was 2 at the time, just incredibly

611
00:39:17,590 --> 00:39:21,150
adventurous, you know, whatever. Anyway, I had the door

612
00:39:21,650 --> 00:39:25,350
closed and locked to the outside, to the backyard, and he somehow got

613
00:39:25,510 --> 00:39:29,190
a chair and opened the door and let her out, and she.

614
00:39:29,690 --> 00:39:32,030
Well, he had to be two and a half because she was 18 months.

615
00:39:32,530 --> 00:39:36,150
So he was two and a half. Yeah. They're only 363 days apart.

616
00:39:36,310 --> 00:39:39,510
Oh, wow. Yeah, another, you know,

617
00:39:40,010 --> 00:39:43,210
thing. So anyway, he didn't know she was out there. He ran over her foot

618
00:39:43,710 --> 00:39:47,450
with a lawnmower. Oh, no. Thank goodness. I mean, he just

619
00:39:47,950 --> 00:39:51,650
barely, like we say, clipped her heel, but it did detach a huge.

620
00:39:51,730 --> 00:39:54,210
Yeah. So anyway, with all of the medical,

621
00:39:55,490 --> 00:39:58,770
you know, going on and everything, the airline wasn't

622
00:39:59,270 --> 00:40:02,890
real accommodating. And I was just like, I can't do this. It's just

623
00:40:03,390 --> 00:40:06,610
too much. So I took early retirement.

624
00:40:06,850 --> 00:40:10,460
They were offering early retirement because they were closing. I was

625
00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,820
based out of Washington, D.C. and they were closing that base. And they said,

626
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,820
either you move to Newark, you move to Cleveland, or we give you early retirement.

627
00:40:18,320 --> 00:40:20,980
I'm like, I'm not moving to Cleveland. I'm not moving to Newark.

628
00:40:21,700 --> 00:40:25,420
Yeah. This is over. Yeah. Do you think

629
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:29,820
that you would have felt the same way had the other stuff

630
00:40:30,320 --> 00:40:33,940
in your life not happened? Like, if you had gone to Houston,

631
00:40:34,710 --> 00:40:38,390
still single, done, you know, your thing as a flight attendant,

632
00:40:39,030 --> 00:40:42,270
even though you had crossed picket lines? I'm.

633
00:40:42,770 --> 00:40:46,070
I'm assuming you were relatively unaware that that's what you were doing. Yeah.

634
00:40:47,270 --> 00:40:50,750
Do you think you would have felt differently about the job, or do you think

635
00:40:51,250 --> 00:40:55,350
you always would have ended up there? I think I could have endured the challenges

636
00:40:55,850 --> 00:40:58,390
of just the job itself had I not have had so many other challenges in

637
00:40:58,890 --> 00:41:01,870
my life. Like I said, it really was the fact that they weren't willing to

638
00:41:02,370 --> 00:41:04,390
work with me on my daughter because she had to have physical therapy and all

639
00:41:04,890 --> 00:41:08,050
these things after, you know, the acc. So,

640
00:41:08,450 --> 00:41:11,570
yeah, that was like, if you're not willing

641
00:41:12,070 --> 00:41:15,730
to work with me on this. Sure. And give me some time off,

642
00:41:15,970 --> 00:41:19,050
you don't have to pay me. Just give me time off. And they were like,

643
00:41:19,550 --> 00:41:22,329
we can't do that. We need you at work. So I was like, no,

644
00:41:22,829 --> 00:41:25,970
can't do that. Fair. I'd probably still

645
00:41:26,470 --> 00:41:30,050
be a flight attendant today. Do you think so? Yeah, I could see that.

646
00:41:30,610 --> 00:41:34,000
I could see just kind of riding the waves. It's a good job.

647
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:37,360
Yeah. It really is. Especially if you do like to travel.

648
00:41:37,860 --> 00:41:41,880
I mean, there are perks. Well. And it's when

649
00:41:42,380 --> 00:41:45,920
you have a lot of seniority. Like my friend

650
00:41:46,420 --> 00:41:49,960
who got hired in the same class I did, and she's same

651
00:41:50,460 --> 00:41:52,960
age, exact same age as I am. She still works.

652
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:56,440
And you work an average of maybe five

653
00:41:56,940 --> 00:41:59,760
to six days out of the month. Oh, wow. And you make as much as,

654
00:42:00,180 --> 00:42:03,540
you know, maybe being what I would call a secretary, because I'm old,

655
00:42:03,700 --> 00:42:06,900
an administrative assistant kind of person. You don't get rich. Yeah.

656
00:42:07,060 --> 00:42:09,934
But, you know, if you want to work More. If you want to work 10,

657
00:42:09,986 --> 00:42:12,900
20 days out of the month, you make a lot more. Yeah. So.

658
00:42:13,300 --> 00:42:16,900
But you, you seniority rules that, and you kind of get to

659
00:42:17,400 --> 00:42:21,060
make your own schedule. Hey, that's not a bad gig. Yeah,

660
00:42:21,560 --> 00:42:24,500
for sure. So you take your retirement.

661
00:42:24,820 --> 00:42:28,000
What's next for your family? We end up moving back to Wyoming.

662
00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:32,120
Okay. Not because of his parents and what they wanted,

663
00:42:32,620 --> 00:42:35,840
but because after five years of being in Maryland and another child,

664
00:42:36,240 --> 00:42:39,280
we just. We couldn't financially do it. We needed.

665
00:42:39,780 --> 00:42:42,720
And I needed to be at home where my parents were there to help us,

666
00:42:43,220 --> 00:42:46,960
not only financially, but also because I had three little kids all

667
00:42:47,460 --> 00:42:50,120
under the age of five. You had another one in the midst of this.

668
00:42:50,620 --> 00:42:53,980
Okay. So I needed help. Yeah. And so

669
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,660
we moved back. But, yeah, the thing, you know,

670
00:42:58,160 --> 00:43:01,940
we could continue on with my life ended up divorced before

671
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,700
he ended up dying and, you know, remarried and all that kind

672
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:11,060
of stuff. So that's another whole story in and of itself. But that,

673
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:15,300
to me was the real. When I got married to him and that we

674
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:19,180
were together 15 years, that is the time that really

675
00:43:19,260 --> 00:43:22,550
shaped who I became. Yeah.

676
00:43:22,950 --> 00:43:26,550
It just really helped me dig deep,

677
00:43:26,630 --> 00:43:30,230
find out what I was all about, what did I want, what was most important

678
00:43:30,310 --> 00:43:33,590
to me. And I never thought that, you know, I was.

679
00:43:34,090 --> 00:43:35,790
I always wanted to be a flight attendant. I always wanted to travel, go all

680
00:43:36,290 --> 00:43:39,670
these places. And yet the thing that I found the most satisfying

681
00:43:40,170 --> 00:43:43,110
was having a family and my kids. I loved being a mom.

682
00:43:43,610 --> 00:43:46,550
I loved when they were young, I loved raising. I mean, everybody's like, oh,

683
00:43:47,050 --> 00:43:49,910
you have these little kids and, you know, you're home with them all day and

684
00:43:49,990 --> 00:43:52,700
don't you get tired of that? I had a neighbor across the street when we

685
00:43:52,850 --> 00:43:55,890
lived in Maryland, and I just had two. And literally at five o', clock,

686
00:43:56,390 --> 00:43:59,290
when her husband would come home, she'd come over to my house and be like,

687
00:43:59,790 --> 00:44:03,610
okay, let's go get coffee. Because, you know, I've been home

688
00:44:04,110 --> 00:44:05,970
with two kids all day and I can't deal with it. And I'm like,

689
00:44:06,370 --> 00:44:09,810
okay, but I have two little kids at home. Yeah. And I have a

690
00:44:10,310 --> 00:44:14,370
husband that's either at school doing homework or working.

691
00:44:14,530 --> 00:44:17,730
So he's gone all the time. Yeah. So I'm raising these kids by myself.

692
00:44:18,050 --> 00:44:21,300
And I, like, I don't feel that way. I loved it. I loved being home.

693
00:44:21,800 --> 00:44:24,820
And, you know, for her sake, we would go and I had a girl up

694
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:27,700
the street that loved to babysit. So she'd come babysit for an hour or so.

695
00:44:28,500 --> 00:44:31,860
And, you know, there were many women that I associated with that

696
00:44:32,360 --> 00:44:36,020
were like, oh, just being a mom is just. And I'm less like.

697
00:44:36,500 --> 00:44:38,900
And they're like, don't you feel that way? And I'm like, no, I don't.

698
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,260
Yeah, I love it. I just totally.

699
00:44:43,060 --> 00:44:48,000
It was the most taxing, tiring job

700
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,880
that I loved. Yeah. I woke up every morning at

701
00:44:52,380 --> 00:44:55,680
7am wide awake, ready to, you know, be a mom.

702
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:59,760
Yeah. And I liked spending time with

703
00:45:00,260 --> 00:45:04,080
them. I. We drove around the state of Wyoming

704
00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:07,960
a lot. And I

705
00:45:08,460 --> 00:45:12,050
can say this now because they can't arrest me anymore, but we, but we had

706
00:45:12,550 --> 00:45:15,170
a minivan and we took the seats out in the back and they were not

707
00:45:15,670 --> 00:45:19,370
in car seats and they would

708
00:45:19,530 --> 00:45:23,410
get their blankets and they loved audiobooks and they would listen and

709
00:45:23,910 --> 00:45:26,490
I would drive and they would just, you know, have their toys in the back

710
00:45:26,990 --> 00:45:29,690
and play. And. Yeah, thank goodness nothing ever happened,

711
00:45:30,570 --> 00:45:34,050
you know, but. And I was in Wyoming where, you know, they didn't have such

712
00:45:34,550 --> 00:45:37,860
strict seatbelt and car seat laws. But yeah,

713
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:41,660
yeah. I mean, who among us has not made a bed out of the backseat

714
00:45:42,160 --> 00:45:45,620
on a road trip? So, yeah, let him cast the first stone.

715
00:45:45,860 --> 00:45:52,740
So I. I love that in,

716
00:45:52,820 --> 00:45:56,740
in the last thing that you said. What I love about your story is

717
00:45:57,240 --> 00:46:01,620
that you were able to change your mind and

718
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:05,700
you didn't get hung up on the fact that at least long

719
00:46:06,200 --> 00:46:09,700
term, you may have in the, in the moments, but that you had been working

720
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:13,660
so long for one thing, and it didn't end up being the thing that you

721
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:17,340
thought it would be or even just fitting into your life the way that you

722
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:22,260
thought it would and your ability to pivot and not crucify

723
00:46:22,760 --> 00:46:25,620
yourself for changing your mind and for wanting something different.

724
00:46:26,420 --> 00:46:29,900
I think it's such an important part of growth and I think

725
00:46:30,400 --> 00:46:34,020
it's something that we aren't always good at, especially when we're young,

726
00:46:34,420 --> 00:46:38,240
because we think that the way that people look at us

727
00:46:38,740 --> 00:46:42,280
is going to change, you know, and, and I can very personally speak

728
00:46:42,780 --> 00:46:45,440
to this. So I just think it's really important,

729
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:50,080
a really important part of your story to say that, you know, this is what

730
00:46:50,580 --> 00:46:53,120
I thought I wanted for my life and I did it. And it was fine.

731
00:46:53,620 --> 00:46:57,280
It wasn't like super awful all the time or anything. There were parts

732
00:46:57,780 --> 00:47:01,120
of it that I liked. But then I became a mom and had a family

733
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:05,360
and even though that's not what I stated I wanted when I was eight years

734
00:47:05,860 --> 00:47:09,540
old, it ended up being the best thing about my life and

735
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:13,300
I was able to pivot and lean into that, and I think that is just

736
00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:17,260
such a beautiful expression of the fact that

737
00:47:17,760 --> 00:47:21,020
we are capable of so much. We're capable of change,

738
00:47:21,580 --> 00:47:25,260
and change is necessary at different points in our lives.

739
00:47:25,580 --> 00:47:29,580
And if we choose to lean into that instead of sticking

740
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:33,300
by something that we've stated in the past just because we don't

741
00:47:33,800 --> 00:47:37,740
want to be seen as flighty or somebody that is wishy washy

742
00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:42,620
or changes their mind a lot, you know, we. We are able to experience

743
00:47:42,940 --> 00:47:47,100
more fully our lives and actually enjoy the pieces

744
00:47:47,260 --> 00:47:50,940
of our lives that as they're happening instead of looking back with regret.

745
00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:54,260
And that's a question, like I said, a lot of people have asked me,

746
00:47:54,760 --> 00:47:57,140
do you regret marrying this blind person? Because it brought.

747
00:47:58,260 --> 00:48:02,350
Brought with it all this baggage and

748
00:48:02,850 --> 00:48:06,470
created so many years of just chaos and just absolute

749
00:48:06,970 --> 00:48:10,310
15 years of just. I literally do have

750
00:48:10,810 --> 00:48:13,070
PTSD. Yeah, I believe it and I don't.

751
00:48:14,190 --> 00:48:18,070
And I think the most important thing that

752
00:48:18,570 --> 00:48:22,190
you said, it just made me think of this demo reel that I put together.

753
00:48:22,350 --> 00:48:26,750
A short little video kind of introducing myself is what

754
00:48:27,250 --> 00:48:31,700
I got out of all of that, was that learning is at

755
00:48:31,780 --> 00:48:36,260
the core, the most important thing. But learning isn't about acquiring

756
00:48:36,340 --> 00:48:39,620
information. Learning is about transformation.

757
00:48:40,980 --> 00:48:44,540
And as I have learned from so many experiences

758
00:48:45,040 --> 00:48:48,620
in my life, I have transformed into a person

759
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,540
I never thought I wanted to be. But I'm happy

760
00:48:53,040 --> 00:48:56,180
with that. I'm happy being the person I am and just

761
00:48:56,680 --> 00:49:00,770
allowing myself to be, evolve and grow in

762
00:49:01,270 --> 00:49:04,650
so many ways has been to me, the most profound

763
00:49:05,450 --> 00:49:08,890
experience of my life. Yeah, there's so many people

764
00:49:09,290 --> 00:49:12,490
that I've come across in all of my experiences

765
00:49:12,990 --> 00:49:16,090
and travel that just hang on like you said to,

766
00:49:16,650 --> 00:49:19,290
you know, whatever it is I wanted,

767
00:49:19,370 --> 00:49:22,850
whatever it is I thought, you know, life was going to be and it

768
00:49:23,350 --> 00:49:26,680
didn't give me what I wanted. Instead, just saying, hey,

769
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:30,760
yeah, let life give you whatever it is

770
00:49:31,240 --> 00:49:34,600
and let. Let the learning experiences that you have.

771
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,960
My favorite saying is people, when they, when you fail,

772
00:49:39,460 --> 00:49:42,520
we're not going to call it failure anymore. We're going to call it learning experiences,

773
00:49:43,020 --> 00:49:45,720
which I think is interesting in and of itself.

774
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:51,680
It's the transformation that comes out of those learning experiences that

775
00:49:52,180 --> 00:49:55,350
really makes the difference in our life. Yeah, absolutely.

776
00:49:56,310 --> 00:49:59,630
It's interesting because I kind of have not a

777
00:50:00,130 --> 00:50:03,550
completely opposite experience to you, but in that

778
00:50:04,050 --> 00:50:07,550
I grew up since I was a kid wanting

779
00:50:08,050 --> 00:50:11,190
to be a mom. Like that was something that I really, really wanted with my

780
00:50:11,690 --> 00:50:15,550
life. Any, you know, decision around what I

781
00:50:16,050 --> 00:50:19,470
wanted to do as a career was centered

782
00:50:19,970 --> 00:50:22,230
around the fact that I wanted to be a mom. So it had to fit

783
00:50:22,730 --> 00:50:25,750
into that. Like, there was a certain point in my life when I was a

784
00:50:26,250 --> 00:50:29,030
teenager where I, I wanted to be a chef and I wanted to go to

785
00:50:29,530 --> 00:50:32,790
culinary school. And then I found out the hours that chefs worked and I was

786
00:50:33,290 --> 00:50:35,590
like, nevermind, I can't be a chef because I want to be a mom.

787
00:50:36,090 --> 00:50:39,590
Like, and I want to be a present mom, whatever. And you know, I was,

788
00:50:40,090 --> 00:50:43,870
I was a teenager and I do recognize that there are chefs that are moms.

789
00:50:43,950 --> 00:50:47,270
I know, I know. Well, hold that thought for one second.

790
00:50:47,770 --> 00:50:51,500
I think that is, is so beautiful because so many people in the world today

791
00:50:51,820 --> 00:50:55,260
are like, being a mom is just, okay, I'm gonna

792
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,380
go live my life, I'm gonna have all these, and then I'm gonna become a

793
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:02,220
mom. Because it's like the consolation prize. Yeah. Or a prison sentence.

794
00:51:02,300 --> 00:51:05,740
I know. And I'm like, to hear somebody say that just makes me so happy.

795
00:51:05,900 --> 00:51:10,220
Yeah. Well, so I, I'm not a mom. Just full disclosure.

796
00:51:10,700 --> 00:51:13,940
Okay. I'm sorry. No, no, no, no, no. But truly,

797
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:18,420
I mean, I, I think that motherhood is a beautiful thing and

798
00:51:19,540 --> 00:51:23,060
I have no less admiration for it.

799
00:51:23,620 --> 00:51:27,460
I ended up getting married and the marriage

800
00:51:27,700 --> 00:51:30,660
was not good from the start. He was abusive,

801
00:51:31,140 --> 00:51:33,940
and that's my kind of transformation story.

802
00:51:34,900 --> 00:51:38,180
But I left before we had kids

803
00:51:38,500 --> 00:51:41,820
and I'm grateful that I did because that comes with

804
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:46,580
its own complications. But I have

805
00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:50,500
spent. I'm now in my, you know, mid-30s and

806
00:51:51,540 --> 00:51:55,220
I don't necessarily want to be a mom

807
00:51:55,720 --> 00:52:00,500
anymore. And it's not anything that

808
00:52:00,820 --> 00:52:04,180
I've now just said. I, I dislike motherhood or I, or I

809
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:08,220
don't want that anymore. But I do think that, you know, God allows

810
00:52:08,720 --> 00:52:12,260
our heart, heart's desires to change over time.

811
00:52:13,370 --> 00:52:18,410
And there was a lot of trauma around that,

812
00:52:18,570 --> 00:52:21,570
you know, being in that marriage and children with me,

813
00:52:22,070 --> 00:52:25,650
just personally. And so I struggled for a

814
00:52:26,150 --> 00:52:28,490
long time after I got out of that, that like, you know,

815
00:52:29,210 --> 00:52:32,250
I, I still wanted to be a mom and then I didn't. And then I

816
00:52:32,750 --> 00:52:35,290
struggled with the fact that I didn't want to. And you know, how I could

817
00:52:35,790 --> 00:52:39,210
change so much, you know, from, from something. And what that

818
00:52:39,710 --> 00:52:43,370
meant for me and like did. Was I broken because now I didn't want that

819
00:52:43,870 --> 00:52:47,910
any. But I'll tell you, I'm an aunt and it is my absolute

820
00:52:48,070 --> 00:52:51,430
favorite thing. I love being an aunt.

821
00:52:51,930 --> 00:52:55,830
I love my nieces and my nephew. And it is

822
00:52:56,070 --> 00:53:00,310
just such a joy to be in a different position that

823
00:53:00,810 --> 00:53:03,110
is parent adjacent. Right. You know, I'M not.

824
00:53:03,590 --> 00:53:07,550
I'm not their parent, but I still care for them and love them in

825
00:53:08,050 --> 00:53:11,710
a very special capacity, in a special role. And so it

826
00:53:12,210 --> 00:53:15,710
is. It is really interesting to have something that

827
00:53:16,210 --> 00:53:20,010
you want so much. And it's. Just because you're young doesn't

828
00:53:20,510 --> 00:53:22,530
mean that desire isn't real and isn't,

829
00:53:23,810 --> 00:53:28,570
you know, visceral. It. It matters. But when

830
00:53:29,070 --> 00:53:32,130
and if that changes, that's also okay, right?

831
00:53:32,610 --> 00:53:35,330
It is. And I, like, also like the fact that you said, you know,

832
00:53:35,830 --> 00:53:38,850
you felt like you wondered if you were broken. There's so many times in my

833
00:53:39,350 --> 00:53:42,450
life I felt like I am broken. Yeah. And I mean, in a lot of

834
00:53:42,950 --> 00:53:45,450
ways, I was broken. I was broken. Like, life broke me in a lot of

835
00:53:45,950 --> 00:53:49,810
ways, but that's not broken. That's. And it's

836
00:53:50,310 --> 00:53:52,730
hard on Sundays when I go to church and it's Mother's Day,

837
00:53:53,050 --> 00:53:57,010
and they really shy away from celebrating mothers anymore

838
00:53:57,510 --> 00:54:00,650
because. And I understand there's some women in the congregation who

839
00:54:01,150 --> 00:54:04,690
may not be able to be mothers who really want that. And it's really

840
00:54:05,190 --> 00:54:07,530
heart wrenching for them to hear other people get up there and say, oh,

841
00:54:08,030 --> 00:54:11,990
I love being a mother kind of thing. And. And if I

842
00:54:12,490 --> 00:54:15,990
had a wish for people in your situation, and I'm so glad to

843
00:54:16,490 --> 00:54:20,030
hear you embrace that. I can't tell you how many aunts or

844
00:54:20,430 --> 00:54:24,270
whatever had such a profound impact on my life

845
00:54:24,990 --> 00:54:28,230
and who were there when I was fighting with my mom or

846
00:54:28,730 --> 00:54:31,870
things weren't going well and they were able to step in and just say,

847
00:54:32,370 --> 00:54:35,950
hey, you're okay, you know, and be my mom.

848
00:54:36,740 --> 00:54:39,620
When I didn't want my mom, my mom wasn't my mom, didn't want to be

849
00:54:39,700 --> 00:54:43,060
a mom. It's just I didn't want a mom at the time, like, get away.

850
00:54:43,220 --> 00:54:47,100
I'm a teenager, you know, kind of thing. And so I just

851
00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:50,500
think there's so many different ways to be a mom. I don't think we need

852
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:54,940
to limit the vision of motherhood to

853
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,340
somebody who births children. Yeah. I love that.

854
00:54:58,740 --> 00:55:02,260
Thank you. It's beautiful. Yeah. I mean, I think I

855
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:06,250
do agree, too. You know, we. In certain ways,

856
00:55:06,750 --> 00:55:09,970
we've gotten away from community in. Yes.

857
00:55:10,370 --> 00:55:14,010
In raising families and children, and we've made

858
00:55:14,510 --> 00:55:18,210
ourselves very insular. And, you know, this is our nuclear family, and that's, you know,

859
00:55:18,370 --> 00:55:22,850
that's where it begins and ends. And I understand why

860
00:55:23,350 --> 00:55:27,210
that has happened in certain respects, but I think that when

861
00:55:27,710 --> 00:55:31,730
we allow community to be a part

862
00:55:32,230 --> 00:55:35,730
of that, it just becomes a richer experience. So.

863
00:55:36,050 --> 00:55:39,050
And, you know, and again, take that with a grain of salt. I'm somebody that

864
00:55:39,550 --> 00:55:43,490
doesn't. That's doing it from the outside. So no,

865
00:55:43,990 --> 00:55:47,810
I think we've gotten away from multi generational families living in the same

866
00:55:48,310 --> 00:55:51,930
household and people like me who move all over the

867
00:55:52,430 --> 00:55:56,210
place. It's hard. But what did I do when things got really

868
00:55:56,710 --> 00:56:00,360
rough? I moved back to where I could have family and community.

869
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:05,640
And although we didn't necessarily all live in the same household, we lived

870
00:56:06,140 --> 00:56:09,880
in the same small little town in Wyoming. Sure. And it wasn't just

871
00:56:10,380 --> 00:56:13,480
my mom and dad. It was my friends. It was my parents friends.

872
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:17,880
So many people. And I think you're right. I think community is just

873
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:21,320
very important. And we've gotten so far away from it that it's hard.

874
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,680
Yeah, yeah, it is. Life is harder than it needs to be

875
00:56:25,180 --> 00:56:27,560
because we don't have the support systems in place that we used to have.

876
00:56:28,350 --> 00:56:31,950
Yeah, very much. It's become so convenient

877
00:56:32,450 --> 00:56:35,550
in certain ways, but it's made us distant in others for sure.

878
00:56:36,110 --> 00:56:40,470
And none of us are immune. Right. I mean, I find myself falling

879
00:56:40,970 --> 00:56:43,710
into the same. The same traps. So even.

880
00:56:44,670 --> 00:56:48,430
Even wanting something different or acknowledging that there

881
00:56:48,930 --> 00:56:52,390
is a different option or a different way out there, because it has to be

882
00:56:52,890 --> 00:56:56,010
an intentional, conscious effort to move down

883
00:56:56,510 --> 00:57:00,050
that path, especially at this point. I mean, it's almost like I kind of

884
00:57:00,550 --> 00:57:03,890
think of it as like when you were in high school. When I

885
00:57:04,390 --> 00:57:07,610
was in high school. Different world. No,

886
00:57:08,110 --> 00:57:12,410
no. I have a daughter your age. Two of them. So more

887
00:57:12,910 --> 00:57:16,290
so just because of the moving. Yeah, but it was so easy to.

888
00:57:16,790 --> 00:57:19,690
To have friends. Right. Like they're built into your schedule.

889
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:23,220
They are. They show up at the same place.

890
00:57:23,940 --> 00:57:27,660
I had friends in high school who were some of my best friends that

891
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:31,260
I didn't see outside of school, but they were some of my best friends because

892
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:34,940
I spent five days a week with them. Right. And so then you graduate high

893
00:57:35,440 --> 00:57:37,540
school and you're like, oh my gosh,

894
00:57:38,660 --> 00:57:41,740
what is community? How do I do this? Because I have

895
00:57:42,240 --> 00:57:45,660
to now plan for it. I have to figure

896
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:49,620
it out. I have to reach out, make an effort. Exactly.

897
00:57:50,580 --> 00:57:53,760
And juggle all of these other things. And so, yeah, it's.

898
00:57:54,260 --> 00:57:57,480
It's definitely. Especially with us being so much

899
00:57:57,980 --> 00:58:01,920
more spread out and technology getting more and more advanced and

900
00:58:02,420 --> 00:58:06,560
there being good aspects of that. I think one of the biggest downfalls

901
00:58:07,060 --> 00:58:11,120
is that we just keep moving in towards ourselves

902
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:15,280
more and more. And I don't know, it's. It's hard,

903
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:19,280
but I feel like anybody that has community

904
00:58:19,360 --> 00:58:23,660
or is involved in community can speak to having

905
00:58:24,160 --> 00:58:27,260
that and the value that it. That it brings to your life.

906
00:58:27,580 --> 00:58:31,740
Yes. Yeah. And I feel sad for anybody that hasn't

907
00:58:32,240 --> 00:58:35,540
had that in their life. I agree. And like

908
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:39,580
I said earlier, had I not have had my family, I would not

909
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:43,620
be where I'm at today. They are the reason, not just financially

910
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:47,500
helping me, not just logistically helping me with kids, but the values they

911
00:58:48,000 --> 00:58:50,800
taught me, the things that, you know, they passed on to me.

912
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:54,800
It's just really interesting. And on a totally different

913
00:58:55,300 --> 00:58:58,440
side note, this is just briefly. I'll say this is. I've gotten

914
00:58:58,940 --> 00:59:02,000
into family history in the last two months,

915
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,960
like three months. Okay. And I.

916
00:59:06,460 --> 00:59:10,600
My mom has always done family history work and just been rabid family

917
00:59:11,100 --> 00:59:13,440
history work. And I was always. She was always like, oh, that's good. I'm like,

918
00:59:14,720 --> 00:59:17,280
boring. Names, dates, people. Who cares?

919
00:59:18,530 --> 00:59:22,330
And I just. As I've gone through on Ancestry,

920
00:59:22,830 --> 00:59:26,330
I've been on Ancestry, and there's so many stories that people have uploaded,

921
00:59:26,830 --> 00:59:30,490
and I'm reading these stories, and I'm reading all about this, and my husband

922
00:59:30,990 --> 00:59:33,490
one day was reading some stories, and they're like, yeah, that sounds like you.

923
00:59:34,050 --> 00:59:37,730
This must be where you got it from. Yeah. You know what I mean?

924
00:59:38,230 --> 00:59:41,090
I think these things. I do think there must be something to, you know,

925
00:59:41,590 --> 00:59:45,150
genetically passing things down, but I think it's just also, you know.

926
00:59:45,230 --> 00:59:48,430
Yeah. Their life experiences just got passed down through time.

927
00:59:48,510 --> 00:59:51,670
I believe it a hundred percent. I absolutely believe

928
00:59:52,170 --> 00:59:55,510
it. Yeah. There's so much power in our

929
00:59:56,010 --> 00:59:59,350
stories and our experiences, and I do believe

930
00:59:59,850 --> 01:00:03,350
that that gets passed down. And I know there's. There's a whole field of science

931
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:07,590
that's dedicated to that. So, you know, there. There certainly

932
01:00:08,090 --> 01:00:10,840
is something to that, for sure. Yeah. And it's pretty neat.

933
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:14,320
It is. And that's why your podcast is wonderful, sharing people's

934
01:00:14,820 --> 01:00:17,480
stories. Thank you. Yes. Yes. I think, you know,

935
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:21,480
I just think there's so much. I was actually in. So we're

936
01:00:21,980 --> 01:00:24,760
in Manassas. So I was in Manassas Museum yesterday,

937
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:28,920
and I was reading the Native American history in the area and

938
01:00:29,420 --> 01:00:33,280
stuff, and one of they did these, like, history, you know, fun history

939
01:00:33,780 --> 01:00:37,160
facts or whatever, and it's something you kind of know, but until

940
01:00:37,660 --> 01:00:40,360
you see it in writing, you're kind of like, oh, my gosh, that's actually a

941
01:00:40,860 --> 01:00:44,180
really big deal. They, you know, were saying that they're really. There's not a

942
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:48,500
written language for the. The Native American languages.

943
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:51,380
And so everything is passed down orally.

944
01:00:52,180 --> 01:00:55,460
And you think about. For so many Years.

945
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:59,460
You know, literacy is not. Is. Is fairly modern.

946
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:03,460
Right. So for so many years, we just did this orally.

947
01:01:03,540 --> 01:01:07,620
And I think there is so much power in speaking our

948
01:01:08,120 --> 01:01:12,900
stories out loud and recording them for posterity.

949
01:01:13,300 --> 01:01:16,580
Yes. Yeah, I think that there

950
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:21,020
might be some of my posterity. It's funny, because in

951
01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:24,340
this I've written two little books, and in the two little books I've written,

952
01:01:24,500 --> 01:01:28,420
you know, they relate a lot of these stories and go into more details,

953
01:01:28,920 --> 01:01:32,140
and I laugh because every once in a while, my kids will pick it up

954
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:36,020
and read it, and they're like, I don't remember that. I'm like, how can

955
01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:39,930
you not remember that? You were the center stage. You were part of the story.

956
01:01:40,430 --> 01:01:43,930
You don't remember getting your heel run over by a lawnmower

957
01:01:44,430 --> 01:01:47,490
when you were 18 months old? She goes, I remember you telling me about it.

958
01:01:47,990 --> 01:01:50,970
Yeah. Yeah. But true. I mean,

959
01:01:51,370 --> 01:01:54,490
there's so much of our history that gets lost to time,

960
01:01:54,970 --> 01:01:58,330
and I think that's part of just being

961
01:01:58,490 --> 01:02:02,890
in a big world. But there.

962
01:02:03,140 --> 01:02:06,820
There is so much that we can do, I think,

963
01:02:06,900 --> 01:02:10,660
especially in this day and age when it's

964
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:14,180
never been easier to tell our stories.

965
01:02:15,140 --> 01:02:19,380
And we don't. And we don't. Yeah. So why?

966
01:02:20,820 --> 01:02:24,420
I don't know. I don't know. Because we are still obsessed with

967
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:28,180
stories. Everything is a story, you know, I mean,

968
01:02:28,680 --> 01:02:31,650
you can really break down almost anything in human life,

969
01:02:32,150 --> 01:02:35,650
and it's a story, but we don't tell each other

970
01:02:36,150 --> 01:02:39,050
our own stories, so. I know.

971
01:02:39,530 --> 01:02:43,290
So that's what this. That's what this is. We gotta. We have to change that.

972
01:02:43,450 --> 01:02:46,849
We do. We do have to change it. So thank you for letting me come

973
01:02:47,349 --> 01:02:51,130
share my story. Oh, thank you for doing it. So you. We covered,

974
01:02:51,630 --> 01:02:54,330
like, a handful of times, but you moved 45 times.

975
01:02:54,490 --> 01:02:57,850
Right. In eight states. And again, you said sometimes it was across

976
01:02:58,350 --> 01:03:01,780
the street. But still, to pick up and move

977
01:03:02,100 --> 01:03:05,460
it is no small. I've done it a handful of times. It's not

978
01:03:05,540 --> 01:03:09,540
a fun experience. It's not. So why

979
01:03:10,040 --> 01:03:13,500
did you move so many times? Do you have, like, something that you can

980
01:03:14,000 --> 01:03:17,020
pinpoint to say, you know, in your adult life? I know you didn't have control

981
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:21,100
over it when you were a child. A lot of it was driven economically.

982
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:24,660
Yeah. You know, I. We need to move to a cheaper place. And it was

983
01:03:25,160 --> 01:03:27,500
like, we. We'd find a place to live, and it was like, okay, but now

984
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,700
we found a cheaper place to live. Not realizing it costs money to move every

985
01:03:31,200 --> 01:03:34,980
time. Go figure. And being married to a blind Person

986
01:03:35,480 --> 01:03:39,060
did contribute to that, because if he got any kind of an opportunity for anything,

987
01:03:39,220 --> 01:03:43,180
we jumped on it. Okay. And in the process, sometimes lost houses

988
01:03:43,680 --> 01:03:46,820
and, you know, ended up filing bankruptcy more than our.

989
01:03:46,900 --> 01:03:50,300
We. Most people have in their life, you know, for. But it was

990
01:03:50,800 --> 01:03:53,580
like, oh, there's an opportunity for a blind person. You gotta take it. Yeah.

991
01:03:54,080 --> 01:03:55,840
So we would do that. So a lot of it was driven by that.

992
01:03:55,990 --> 01:03:58,550
That. And I just. Even to this day,

993
01:03:58,870 --> 01:04:02,470
and my husband, who. My current husband, who also grew

994
01:04:02,970 --> 01:04:06,390
up in one house. Okay. Lived in one town his whole life until he met

995
01:04:06,890 --> 01:04:09,510
me. I've hit all 50 states.

996
01:04:10,230 --> 01:04:13,670
Good for you. Just, you know, and he. I think he

997
01:04:14,170 --> 01:04:17,590
has to, just by virtue of the fact that he's with me. I love that.

998
01:04:17,670 --> 01:04:21,030
Yes. Do it. Yes. Chase it. Yeah,

999
01:04:21,190 --> 01:04:24,600
that's. Yeah. I've. I think I've done more countries than

1000
01:04:25,100 --> 01:04:28,120
states, which is kind of shameful. But I'm working on my states, so. No,

1001
01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:32,040
seriously. I see. I'm the opposite. I've hit countries,

1002
01:04:32,120 --> 01:04:35,400
but not that compared to world travelers. I'm, like,

1003
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:39,560
way far behind the curve there. But like you said before, you know, with Alaska,

1004
01:04:39,640 --> 01:04:42,680
the beauty of Alaska is what the draw is.

1005
01:04:43,000 --> 01:04:46,720
There's so much of North America. I mean,

1006
01:04:47,220 --> 01:04:50,870
our nature is the biggest draw. Yeah. It's so

1007
01:04:51,370 --> 01:04:55,150
diverse. And, you know, you see pictures and you're like,

1008
01:04:55,650 --> 01:04:59,390
I can't believe that exists. And it's here. Like, we can

1009
01:04:59,890 --> 01:05:03,190
go. But let me tell you. And you've experienced this. Like,

1010
01:05:03,690 --> 01:05:05,669
I went to Rome. My daughter convinced me to go to Rome. I'm like,

1011
01:05:06,169 --> 01:05:08,350
I don't want to go to Rome. Rome. And I love history. You'd think I

1012
01:05:08,850 --> 01:05:12,630
wrote it. Yeah. I was like. When I would see these,

1013
01:05:12,710 --> 01:05:15,950
I was just like, wow. And then

1014
01:05:16,450 --> 01:05:19,620
I took pictures and I took them home, and look at this. And I'm like,

1015
01:05:20,340 --> 01:05:22,820
that's not at all what it was like. No, no,

1016
01:05:23,460 --> 01:05:27,100
no. You know, and all. And every place we've

1017
01:05:27,600 --> 01:05:30,740
been, you know, and we take pictures and we come home, and the pictures mean

1018
01:05:31,240 --> 01:05:33,780
something to us because we can remember the feelings, we remember the experience,

1019
01:05:34,580 --> 01:05:37,940
but the pictures just don't do it justice. Not at all. I don't care

1020
01:05:38,440 --> 01:05:42,180
how good of a photographer you are. And it doesn't embed in

1021
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:46,100
you the feeling and the culture. And. And we always try,

1022
01:05:46,600 --> 01:05:49,940
even though we try to. To avoid being tourists all the time, to get

1023
01:05:50,440 --> 01:05:53,300
into the talk. You know, if we go into a restaurant, we talk to people.

1024
01:05:53,460 --> 01:05:56,740
Yeah. I'm an introvert, a hundred percent introvert, but yet I love talking to people

1025
01:05:57,240 --> 01:05:59,940
from different places and their experiences and their stories.

1026
01:06:00,180 --> 01:06:03,540
Yep. And side note,

1027
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:07,420
very interesting. As a flight attendant, one thing I learned I

1028
01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:11,420
could, without even looking at the schedule or, you know, whatever it was,

1029
01:06:11,920 --> 01:06:15,140
you know, that we were going someplace. I could always tell where we were going

1030
01:06:15,380 --> 01:06:18,720
by what, what. Because we used to serve food back in the day. What food

1031
01:06:19,220 --> 01:06:22,160
was boarded and what drinks. Interesting.

1032
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:25,640
Yes. If Pepsi and Coke, very distinct 7

1033
01:06:26,140 --> 01:06:29,840
up. Sprite could always tell where we were going. And tomato

1034
01:06:30,340 --> 01:06:34,240
juice. Tomato juice was another big one. That is a big one for randomly

1035
01:06:34,400 --> 01:06:37,800
and not for plenty. Mary's like. Just tomato juice. Just tomato juice.

1036
01:06:38,300 --> 01:06:42,250
Yes. Yeah, it's very interesting. So you

1037
01:06:43,050 --> 01:06:46,410
with your husband now, you have three kids? Four.

1038
01:06:46,910 --> 01:06:50,170
Four kids. Oh, my goodness. Had another one in Wyoming. Okay.

1039
01:06:50,330 --> 01:06:53,930
All four of my kids were born in different. Oh, wow. Okay.

1040
01:06:54,090 --> 01:06:58,090
It's kind of cool. Four kids. And this.

1041
01:06:58,170 --> 01:07:02,010
This, your husband now is the. The person that you married after

1042
01:07:02,510 --> 01:07:04,570
your first husband, you were divorced.

1043
01:07:05,450 --> 01:07:09,010
So how has that changed things for you in

1044
01:07:09,510 --> 01:07:13,330
terms of your first husband unintentionally

1045
01:07:13,490 --> 01:07:17,250
brought a lot of chaos to your life. Yeah. Right. I don't

1046
01:07:17,750 --> 01:07:21,410
blame him at all. So. And that was your first experience

1047
01:07:21,970 --> 01:07:25,570
of marriage and of motherhood and of all of the things.

1048
01:07:26,290 --> 01:07:29,370
So, you know, you really walked in as a young adult into

1049
01:07:29,870 --> 01:07:33,650
a lot of chaos. How did that change for you?

1050
01:07:33,970 --> 01:07:36,130
When you met your current husband?

1051
01:07:37,030 --> 01:07:40,150
Did it change for you? Is he also a lot of chaos?

1052
01:07:40,710 --> 01:07:44,270
No, no. At first it was. And that's

1053
01:07:44,770 --> 01:07:48,150
because we could do another whole podcast.

1054
01:07:48,650 --> 01:07:51,950
There's just on this story, toward the end of

1055
01:07:52,450 --> 01:07:55,790
my relationship with my first husband, he got to where he did get

1056
01:07:56,290 --> 01:07:59,110
more dependent on me all the time because I drove in places and we were.

1057
01:07:59,190 --> 01:08:02,710
He just. Instead of being that adventurous, outgoing kind of person.

1058
01:08:02,950 --> 01:08:06,230
And I think a lot of that, there is a lot of depression and

1059
01:08:06,390 --> 01:08:09,810
bipolar that runs in his. We knew nothing about that kind of stuff.

1060
01:08:10,290 --> 01:08:14,210
Sure. And I think that contributed a lot to a

1061
01:08:14,710 --> 01:08:19,130
lot of the chaos in our life. And he

1062
01:08:19,630 --> 01:08:21,890
just kept getting more and more depressed. And as he got more and more depressed,

1063
01:08:22,050 --> 01:08:25,730
things got even more and more challenging, and we started

1064
01:08:26,230 --> 01:08:28,770
a business, and the business was taking off, blah, blah. Long, long story.

1065
01:08:29,250 --> 01:08:33,090
Anyway, he started early on in our relationship

1066
01:08:33,590 --> 01:08:36,470
when we were living in Maryland. We got in a great big fight,

1067
01:08:37,190 --> 01:08:40,790
and I was kind of a mouthy person.

1068
01:08:41,190 --> 01:08:44,590
And I will admit I was provoking it. I was saying things that

1069
01:08:45,090 --> 01:08:48,870
weren't very nice. And so we were in the basement, and he

1070
01:08:49,030 --> 01:08:52,870
literally picked me up and threw me up the stairs, which cracked

1071
01:08:53,370 --> 01:08:56,750
a Vertebrae in my neck. Oh, my. I know. And I told him at that

1072
01:08:57,250 --> 01:09:00,440
point in time, he wasn't an abusive person. I told him, if you ever,

1073
01:09:01,390 --> 01:09:05,070
ever do anything even remotely similar to that again,

1074
01:09:05,150 --> 01:09:08,710
I don't care if I provoke you or whatever, we're done. I don't think

1075
01:09:09,210 --> 01:09:13,110
he believed me because that's what ended our relationship, was. Things were

1076
01:09:13,610 --> 01:09:17,790
not going great in our relationship. Things were really difficult and challenging. It was

1077
01:09:18,290 --> 01:09:20,830
probably the hardest point in our relationship after 15 years of being together.

1078
01:09:21,790 --> 01:09:25,750
And it was on a Saturday morning. The kids were going to

1079
01:09:26,250 --> 01:09:30,200
a birthday party. I'll make it short. And they were walking

1080
01:09:30,700 --> 01:09:33,400
down the street to a birthday party. And as soon as they left, he.

1081
01:09:33,720 --> 01:09:37,080
He lit into me and started provoking me.

1082
01:09:37,480 --> 01:09:40,720
And I was like, I'm just. Let's. We've fought about

1083
01:09:41,220 --> 01:09:43,360
this so many times. We're not gonna fight about it anymore. I'm done. I'm done.

1084
01:09:43,860 --> 01:09:46,920
I'm done. And I think he took that to mean, I'm done with the relationship.

1085
01:09:47,080 --> 01:09:50,440
I just meant, I'm done with this conversation. And so

1086
01:09:50,680 --> 01:09:53,720
he picked me up, threw me up against the wall,

1087
01:09:54,640 --> 01:09:57,640
you know, then took me, threw me on the bed,

1088
01:09:58,140 --> 01:10:01,520
put a pillow over my face, you know, and just started,

1089
01:10:02,160 --> 01:10:06,520
you know, hurting me. And now

1090
01:10:07,020 --> 01:10:11,080
this gets deeply spiritual. So for those of you who don't

1091
01:10:11,580 --> 01:10:14,920
believe in God and have faith, you can just discount it or whatever

1092
01:10:15,420 --> 01:10:19,000
you want to say. Three of them had. My one son was

1093
01:10:19,500 --> 01:10:23,000
in Wyoming with my parents, and the three younger ones had gone, and they came

1094
01:10:23,500 --> 01:10:27,080
back. They hadn't got to the birthday party. They had come back, and they

1095
01:10:27,480 --> 01:10:29,960
saw what was happening. And they were at the foot of the bed, and they

1096
01:10:30,460 --> 01:10:33,760
were crying and screaming and begging him to stop. And I

1097
01:10:34,260 --> 01:10:37,360
was begging them to call 91 1. They were scared they wouldn't do it.

1098
01:10:37,860 --> 01:10:41,720
But finally, I think because of the begging of the kids, he finally

1099
01:10:42,220 --> 01:10:45,480
let up. And he got up, and I

1100
01:10:45,980 --> 01:10:49,310
got called 91 1, and he got arrested. And I was like, I told you,

1101
01:10:49,460 --> 01:10:53,060
you. You ever do anything like that again, we're done. And now I meant I

1102
01:10:53,560 --> 01:10:57,020
was done. Yeah. And that's what ended the relationship. And it got really, really chaotic

1103
01:10:57,520 --> 01:11:01,620
after that because we own this business. My now husband

1104
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:05,780
was working for us, and that's how I kind of met him. But then he

1105
01:11:06,280 --> 01:11:08,980
walked into this chaos. And after that, you know,

1106
01:11:09,140 --> 01:11:12,900
there was all kinds of chaos in the divorce that we

1107
01:11:13,400 --> 01:11:16,890
didn't have a lot anyway. But my one daughter, I asked, ask my kids.

1108
01:11:17,390 --> 01:11:20,810
I'm like, why did you come back? And my One, my youngest daughter,

1109
01:11:20,890 --> 01:11:25,170
she said to me, she says, well, Jesus came and told me we

1110
01:11:25,670 --> 01:11:29,050
needed to go home. Wow. And I was like,

1111
01:11:29,770 --> 01:11:33,650
okay. And that her sisters listened to the

1112
01:11:34,150 --> 01:11:37,490
youngest. Well, she wasn't the. She was the middle of the three. Oh,

1113
01:11:37,990 --> 01:11:41,130
okay. But she was. Yeah. Wow.

1114
01:11:42,020 --> 01:11:46,660
I know. And so then

1115
01:11:49,220 --> 01:11:52,660
by this point, I'm 38 and have four kids and

1116
01:11:53,300 --> 01:11:55,860
this guy that's working for us is 25,

1117
01:11:56,500 --> 01:11:59,940
and he's trying as best he can to help me keep the business together because

1118
01:12:00,440 --> 01:12:04,020
that's my only source of income, because my other Social Security disability.

1119
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:07,900
Just walked out the door. Because I pushed him out

1120
01:12:08,400 --> 01:12:10,980
the door, mind you. But it was just. It was chaos. We were living in

1121
01:12:11,480 --> 01:12:15,020
hotels. We were going from here. It was just. Just insane. And he

1122
01:12:15,520 --> 01:12:18,140
was trying, you know, I'm sure it's because of all that was going on at

1123
01:12:18,640 --> 01:12:21,620
that time, that that's how the friendship that we had was forged.

1124
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:24,660
And. But so I end up as a 38 year old woman with four kids,

1125
01:12:25,160 --> 01:12:28,460
end up marrying a guy that's 25. And was the real

1126
01:12:28,960 --> 01:12:32,140
job he had full time because he was helping us part time. He was making

1127
01:12:32,640 --> 01:12:35,300
$8 an hour. Oh, wow. Oh, my.

1128
01:12:37,940 --> 01:12:42,040
That. That's again, that's a story in and of itself. I know.

1129
01:12:42,200 --> 01:12:45,640
But over time, we've been married 25 years now, and all

1130
01:12:46,140 --> 01:12:50,720
my kids are grown and gone. It went from extremely

1131
01:12:51,220 --> 01:12:55,120
chaotic, slowly over time, to settling down. And he's got a really good

1132
01:12:55,620 --> 01:12:59,280
job now and he's not a lawyer. He works in cybersecurity and

1133
01:12:59,780 --> 01:13:02,840
he works for a big law firm. Makes good money. Good for him. Takes care

1134
01:13:03,340 --> 01:13:06,320
of me. That's where to be right now. My goodness. He was a good dad

1135
01:13:06,820 --> 01:13:09,440
to the kids. That's great. So.

1136
01:13:09,600 --> 01:13:12,640
Yeah. Because when did your ex pass?

1137
01:13:13,600 --> 01:13:17,440
It wasn't. We had been married eight,

1138
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:21,400
nine years. Okay. Yeah. So your kids

1139
01:13:21,900 --> 01:13:25,600
were still kids? Yeah, they were all. Well, my older

1140
01:13:26,100 --> 01:13:28,576
two were 21.

1141
01:13:28,864 --> 01:13:33,590
2018. And then the other one, I think was 14.

1142
01:13:33,910 --> 01:13:36,550
Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,

1143
01:13:37,350 --> 01:13:40,870
again, that in and of itself is a lot to.

1144
01:13:41,270 --> 01:13:44,470
And even though they had difficult feelings about their dad,

1145
01:13:45,030 --> 01:13:48,750
you know, he's still their dad. Absolutely. And it was

1146
01:13:49,250 --> 01:13:50,870
a very traumatic death.

1147
01:13:52,070 --> 01:13:55,190
Yeah. Yeah. Life is complicated.

1148
01:13:55,750 --> 01:13:58,390
It is. Yeah. But you do the best you can,

1149
01:13:59,230 --> 01:14:01,550
so it's really great.

1150
01:14:03,630 --> 01:14:06,590
So do you continue to travel a lot? No. Okay.

1151
01:14:07,470 --> 01:14:10,790
We have too many dogs. It's a good

1152
01:14:11,290 --> 01:14:14,709
reason. And we have outdoor cats that are hard

1153
01:14:15,209 --> 01:14:17,870
for other people to feed. We live on eight acres of property. Nice.

1154
01:14:18,190 --> 01:14:20,910
Yeah. Except that, you know, at this Stage of your life. It's not a good

1155
01:14:21,410 --> 01:14:25,280
idea to buy property that needs a whole lot of work. Do any

1156
01:14:25,780 --> 01:14:29,560
of your kids live around you? Nope. Okay. They all refuse because it's

1157
01:14:30,060 --> 01:14:33,720
like, you'll just put us to work, mom, but they come visit.

1158
01:14:33,960 --> 01:14:36,800
That's good. Yeah. So, yeah.

1159
01:14:37,300 --> 01:14:40,159
And we love our property. We love being out in the middle of nowhere.

1160
01:14:40,659 --> 01:14:43,960
We really enjoy it, but it really does tie us down immensely.

1161
01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:49,000
Yeah. Do you feel like you got to do the

1162
01:14:49,500 --> 01:14:52,400
things that you wanted to do, though? Yes. Yeah. I feel like I've had a

1163
01:14:52,900 --> 01:14:56,630
very satisfying, fulfilled life. I feel like the learning

1164
01:14:57,130 --> 01:15:00,590
process that I've been through has very transformational. And even, like I

1165
01:15:01,090 --> 01:15:03,790
said, we don't have time to go into all of it. But my new relationship,

1166
01:15:04,290 --> 01:15:08,310
25 years we've been together, has brought a whole new set of challenges,

1167
01:15:08,810 --> 01:15:11,990
but far more blessings than challenges. And we have a great relationship,

1168
01:15:12,490 --> 01:15:15,070
and it's awesome. Yeah.

1169
01:15:16,030 --> 01:15:19,150
It's all. All of it is seasons, Right. I mean,

1170
01:15:22,000 --> 01:15:25,480
most things don't last forever anyway, so enjoy the

1171
01:15:25,980 --> 01:15:29,800
season that you're in. Right, Exactly. So I do have a question that I

1172
01:15:30,300 --> 01:15:34,200
ask everyone at the end of each episode, which is through

1173
01:15:34,700 --> 01:15:37,960
the lens of your experiences, what does compassion

1174
01:15:38,460 --> 01:15:41,880
mean to you? You know Brene Brown. Everybody knows

1175
01:15:42,380 --> 01:15:45,400
Brene Brown. Okay. I'll change the word from passion compassion

1176
01:15:45,900 --> 01:15:49,370
to empathy. Sure. And what. She.

1177
01:15:49,690 --> 01:15:53,010
She has this little tiny animated video that

1178
01:15:53,510 --> 01:15:56,090
I think is so cute. I mean, I've heard her speak. I've been to conferences

1179
01:15:56,590 --> 01:15:58,890
where she's spoken. And I love Brene Brown. She's one of my favorite.

1180
01:15:59,770 --> 01:16:02,250
And, you know, this person's walking along,

1181
01:16:03,050 --> 01:16:06,570
falls in a hole, right. And the person that's with

1182
01:16:07,070 --> 01:16:10,490
them goes, oh, you fell in the hole. And they're like, oh,

1183
01:16:10,990 --> 01:16:14,280
let me go get help. You know, and they get

1184
01:16:14,780 --> 01:16:18,080
a ladder or whatever, and they put it down there,

1185
01:16:18,580 --> 01:16:20,880
and they like, in the interim, I'm going to throw food down to you.

1186
01:16:21,380 --> 01:16:24,240
Whatever you need to get out of this hole that you're in in your life.

1187
01:16:24,740 --> 01:16:28,600
Right. And she says, what's the other word?

1188
01:16:29,100 --> 01:16:32,280
Not empathy. Sympathy. Sympathy is standing at the top of the hole,

1189
01:16:32,760 --> 01:16:35,800
putting stuff down there, you know, to help them,

1190
01:16:36,440 --> 01:16:42,000
whatever. Empathy is crawling down in the hole with them and

1191
01:16:42,500 --> 01:16:46,120
staying there until help comes. And I think that's

1192
01:16:46,620 --> 01:16:49,520
what compassion is to me. It's getting down in the hole with people.

1193
01:16:50,000 --> 01:16:53,600
It's not just saying here, what can I do to help you?

1194
01:16:54,080 --> 01:16:57,720
How can I alleviate some of the symptoms of what's going on in

1195
01:16:58,220 --> 01:17:01,320
your life? And the people that I feel like have helped me the most are

1196
01:17:01,820 --> 01:17:05,200
those that are willing to get down in the hole with me. Yeah, I love

1197
01:17:05,700 --> 01:17:08,600
that. Yeah, it's important. I mean,

1198
01:17:09,720 --> 01:17:13,160
because that looks different for different situations and different people.

1199
01:17:13,560 --> 01:17:18,640
But if we can do that for other people, I think it

1200
01:17:19,140 --> 01:17:23,160
has the capacity to change someone's life, but it also has the capacity

1201
01:17:23,660 --> 01:17:27,320
to change communities and change the world. It does.

1202
01:17:27,960 --> 01:17:30,680
One person at a time. Yeah. Yeah.

1203
01:17:31,720 --> 01:17:34,770
Well, thank you so much for sharing your story.

1204
01:17:35,330 --> 01:17:38,610
The parts of your story. I feel like we, you know, could come back

1205
01:17:39,110 --> 01:17:42,530
and do this again a few times. Too many times.

1206
01:17:43,330 --> 01:17:46,410
They might get sick of me. Yeah. I don't know.

1207
01:17:46,910 --> 01:17:50,330
It's pretty interesting. Some people, it feels

1208
01:17:50,830 --> 01:17:53,850
like they've lived, like, three or four lives, and I think you may be one

1209
01:17:54,350 --> 01:17:57,490
of them. Yes. But, you know,

1210
01:17:57,570 --> 01:18:00,820
I think that regardless of

1211
01:18:01,320 --> 01:18:05,300
what our specific experiences are, we can always relate

1212
01:18:05,800 --> 01:18:08,900
to each other through stories. So I think it's important that we keep telling them.

1213
01:18:09,400 --> 01:18:12,460
And I appreciate you committing to telling yours.

1214
01:18:13,260 --> 01:18:16,500
Well, I appreciate you taking the time to build a podcast where people

1215
01:18:17,000 --> 01:18:20,940
can share their stories. Thank you. And we'll link to you in the show

1216
01:18:21,440 --> 01:18:24,660
notes. Any your books we can link to in the show notes. So anything you

1217
01:18:25,160 --> 01:18:28,360
want to share and. And, yeah, people can connect with you from there

1218
01:18:28,860 --> 01:18:32,480
if they would like. Yeah. My goal is building community,

1219
01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:36,320
so that seems to be perfect. This seems

1220
01:18:36,820 --> 01:18:39,760
to align with what we've talked about and what you seem to be doing.

1221
01:18:40,260 --> 01:18:44,400
Exactly, exactly. I love it. Build that community on your eight acres and,

1222
01:18:45,600 --> 01:18:49,040
you know, it's never been easier or harder to do, I think.

1223
01:18:50,400 --> 01:18:54,230
Thank you for listening. Listening to the human experience. Everyone has

1224
01:18:54,730 --> 01:18:57,750
a story, and I'd love to hear yours. So be sure to check out the

1225
01:18:58,250 --> 01:19:01,630
show notes for more information about how to stay in touch, do good,

1226
01:19:02,130 --> 01:19:02,590
and love well.