Open Doors: How One Panamanian Woman Walked From an Orphanage to the United Nations | Isabel

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Welcome to the Human Experience, a podcast about the stories

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we live out every day and the importance of championing the vulnerability

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and courage of the storyteller. I'm your host,

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Jennifer Peterkin, and it was through my own lived story of experiencing domestic

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violence that this podcast was created. By traveling the globe and

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interviewing each guest in person, I am convinced now more than

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ever, that stories have the power to change the world.

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Thank you for being here. In a world full of noise,

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to listen with intention is an act of resistance.

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So happy to have you with me today in Panama,

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interviewing you in your home country,

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home city where you live, and so excited

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to hear your story. Thank you so much. I'm excited to have you here.

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Like, I was. I was all excited about, like, months ago.

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I've been planning to have you here. I feel like

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an ambassador to, like, my own country. I feel like you are too.

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You're doing a great job as well. So,

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yeah, you've been showing us around and

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taking us to eat great food and see

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the sights. So it really is a privilege when a local person

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is willing to share their country with you because.

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Or their city. There's so much to see. And so when you

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have somebody that's willing to kind of narrow down the focus for you

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and say, this is. This is what you need to focus on. This is what

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you need to see to really get the flavor of the culture in

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the, you know, few days that you're able to visit a place. So thank you

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so much. You're welcome. But that's not what we're here to talk about right now.

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We're here to talk about your story. So if I ask

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you, where does your story begin? Where would you start?

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That. I guess my story begins when I was

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younger, maybe 12 years

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old. I've always been like, I. I don't know how

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to say polyphysetic. Like, I do lots of stuff. So. I used to do robotics

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when I was younger. I learned how to do programming when I was 12,

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I guess. I loved singing, writing.

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I love poetry, reading.

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So I, as a child, I would go to all sorts,

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sort of contest, and I would win them all.

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And my grades were also amazing. I. I love

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studying. I loved studying and I still love it.

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So I've been very particular,

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very different from people around me since

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I was very young. Yeah. And so

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you. You grew up in Panama? Yes, but where in Panama?

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So I was born in Veras, which is

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the central part of Panama. That's countryside.

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Yeah. I lived there until now, actually. Now that

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I Think of it. I just. I moved to Panama City couple months

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ago. Like, seven, eight months ago.

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Yeah. So actually, living in the city here is

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a big change for you. Yes, yes. Like, I've been around

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the city before because we would come and visit, but I've never lived

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here, so I don't even know the streets, which is why I use ways most

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of the time. Yeah. So you grew up in the city or you grew up

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in the country, not the city. And what was

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growing up like for you? I guess when I go back, I was

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raised in a family with lots of problems. Those that

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you carry on, like, from generation to generation.

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Half my family is Colombian. My mother is Colombian.

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My mother's side is Colombian. I. I never met,

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like, I met my grandmother when I was 2 years old.

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Never saw her again. But I know my mother was

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raised with, like, she had a lot of challenges.

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They lived in, like, a very poor area.

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She couldn't have education. Her mother wouldn't be

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around to take care of her. It was a difficult situation.

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So when she moved to Panama, she started a new life,

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and she tried to do the best, but the thing about

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it is that you didn't even notice when you're carrying, when you're repeating patterns.

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So physical abuse, emotional and verbal

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abuse is something that I grew up with, and it

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affected me a lot, and my brother,

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too, my brothers. So When I

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turned 14, 15,

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I was taken by our authorities,

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the. The kind of authorities that are in charge of children and.

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And young adults. And they first, they sent me to

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a foster home, which was like, couple of houses

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away from where I used to live with my biological mother. And it.

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It was a neighbor and it. So foster home is not a thing in Panama.

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Actually, that's a thing in us. We do not

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do foster home here. It's really hard. Adoptions are

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not so common in Panama. But the

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judge saw. She saw the situation, and she was like,

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I need to do something. And a neighbor just said, well, I can take her.

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And she did. And that only lasted like a couple of months,

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like three, four months, honestly. But it changed my

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life completely. So I was living in the same town, in same

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neighborhood, same everything, and at the same time, it was all different. So Since

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I've been 14, I been around judges

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and police officers and all that.

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Like, that's been my life. I suffered a lot. It wasn't

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easy. The problem was mainly my biological

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mother. So I never agreed with the ways

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I was being treated and physically abused and verbally

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and emotional abuse. So I. I Just went

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against all of that. And I,

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I, like, I knew that that was not right

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and I was young, but I just.

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I don't know, I started. And this is going to

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sound hard, but I started hating her little.

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Like every time she would like, hit me or do

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wrong. Like she. Once I went to school and

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so the. How do you call this? The belt. Belt. The belt.

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So she hit me with that and I had this like, mark, like here.

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Oh, on your face. On my face? Yes. And I went to school like that

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and it was worse. So I was also hit with, you know what you hit

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horses with? A whip? Yes. Oh, geez.

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Yes. And. And the, like the broomstick.

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That too. And everything that she could find. And I would, like.

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I remember putting my hands, like in front of me just to like, if I

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was gonna be hit. Like, it better be my hands because it hurts

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less. But every time she would do that, I promised myself I

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was gonna hit her even more until I didn't care about her at all.

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And one day it happened. It just happened. And I didn't want to be around

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her. And she was fine whenever she was out of home,

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sharing with other people and friends. But once she got home, she brough all

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of her problems. And she.

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So let's say it was. She was frustrated and stressed

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about her life and having to take care of two children, and it was too

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much for her and she didn't know how to handle. And the way that she

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was treated was the same way she was treating me and my brother. So she

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thought that was educating me. She thought that was doing the best for me and

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my brother. And I didn't understand it. She would never talk

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about her upbringing because it was too hard for her. So I never knew

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the truth until now that she's able to talk a little bit about. About it.

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But she, like you would ask her, like, how was your life

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when you were a child? Like your gr. Like your. Your mom,

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your father? And she would not talk about it. So she just repeated

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the same patterns. And it was pretty hard. Like, I have a lot of

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stories like that and the authorities,

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one day they called the. So I think

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it was because my brother didn't know how to handle, like,

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anger issues. And he's like one year younger than me and he

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tried to. How to strangle that. Yes.

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Well, he didn't try. He did. Yeah. No. Me. You?

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Yes. Oh, gosh. So I.

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I just. It was too much to handle. It was.

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I was. It was. I was so hurt. I couldn't stand it anymore.

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And they called the police, the neighbors called

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the police, and I was taken. And when I explained to

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the judge all the things that I was leaving in the situation, and I

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didn't want to know anything about my mother, like, I didn't even, I remember that

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I didn't even call her my mother. She was just a stranger

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to me. And I would go to school and they would ask me about my

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mother, and I'm like, I don't know who you're talking about. Yeah. You know,

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and then they sent me to the foster home when

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I. So foster homes are not a thing. And this neighbor that offered to have

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me, they were not prepared to have someone. Like, they, like the judge

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didn't do the, like the, you know, they should, like, check background

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and all that. None of that. It was, like, easy way to go right

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there because I had an option and I didn't have much.

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So this neighbor takes me in, but she wasn't.

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I'm not like, I am grateful for all

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of the things that she did, but she was not prepared to

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have me. And I remember that she started feeling

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like she owned me. And I was living in the same neighborhood,

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like, same everywhere, same school. She felt like she owned

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me somehow, as the months were, like, passing by.

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And once I said hi

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to another neighbor. Like, I stopped by and I walked and I say hi.

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When I came back to the forestry home, and it was two houses

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away from that one, it was pretty close, but I was greeting

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someone that, it's my neighbor, and it's also someone that I know. And when I

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came back, she just, she wasn't happy about it. And then she pushed me

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and she started having this weird

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ways. And the judge didn't think that was right back then.

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They tried getting me into the orphanage. That was the first option. But the nuns

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wouldn't accept me at first because when they told, when the

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judge tells them about me, they're like, this is a case that

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we've never seen before, really. I mean, they've seen abuse

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girls. They've seen all cases,

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really, like, truly vulnerable situations, like girls that

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have been physically abused and all of that. But me,

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I am a very particular story.

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And that's why they remember me. They still remember

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me because of that. And they wouldn't accept me back then.

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I was depressed. Like, I would go, like, I would have to go to

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the, the government offices. I would escape.

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Sometimes I wanted, like, I wanted to end with my life.

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I, I, I tried several times, and it

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didn't work because I Know, God was there with me. But I tried

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several times and I wasn't successful. So I.

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They diagnosed me with depression, so I had to

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take medicine for like two years.

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And the nuns were not prepared for any of that, you know,

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and when they told them about my personality,

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they were definitely not prepared for that. They never, like,

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not even when I. When they accepted me, they. They never got to be

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prepared for that. Finally, the judge makes

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an agreement with the nuns and they accepted me.

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So they moved me before graduation

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time. That was high school graduate.

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Well, No, I was 15, I guess.

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And they, they sent me to the orphanage. And I remember that the two,

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like a social worker, like a social worker and then a

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psychologist from the government entity, they took

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me to the orphanage and they left me there. And I. I love

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those two people. They're part of my story. And they helped me so much.

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And I have so many people to talk about that have helped me so much.

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And the nuns received me and I

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cried. And first night I felt orphan.

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Like, I. I don't know how, but I, I remember

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being in this tiny. Because all the. Like, the beds are truly

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tiny, so only one person can fit in there. And I remember crying.

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And I remember that, that night, that first night, I thought to myself,

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I am feeling like an orphan. And I continue crying. Like,

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I don't. Like I'm not orphan. But that night I felt completely alone.

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I felt like I was completely alone. My faith

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was going through a really hard path. Honestly,

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at that moment, I didn't want to know anything about

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no Jesus, no God, because I thought,

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what have I done to you so that I. I was born in this

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family and I'm going through all of this. Like, what did I

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do? Like, like, aren't you supposed to protect me? Yeah.

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So it was pretty hard, like, understanding why I was

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going through all that. And the days passed

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and I continued crying. It was 3am and I would wake up and

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the girls couldn't sleep. And one of the nuns,

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she just became very close to

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me or I got close to her, which might be different.

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And today I. I think she's like a mom to

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me. And she would take me everywhere she would

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go. And since I couldn't stop crying, she had to figure a

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way to get me out of bed because I wouldn't get out of bed.

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I wouldn't eat and the girls wouldn't treat me that well because.

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So most of the girls in there are in all

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senses truly different from me physically.

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Like, I'm not the stereotypical orphan

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girl. Right. So they felt weird

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about me. And they, like, the little ones would

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come approach and talk to me a little bit, but the other, like, the.

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The ones my age, they wouldn't want to talk to me at all.

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00:15:11,770 --> 00:15:15,230
So it was pretty hard. So I wouldn't eat. I would just sleep.

235
00:15:15,550 --> 00:15:19,030
And then this naan one day, I remember this

236
00:15:19,530 --> 00:15:22,430
is one of my favorite gifts of all times.

237
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:26,790
One of the things I'm most grateful for. This is a good memory. I was

238
00:15:27,290 --> 00:15:30,670
crying one eat. And she came to the room.

239
00:15:31,170 --> 00:15:35,030
I was the only one in there. And she was holding something behind her

240
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:38,870
bag. And she told me, if you come out and eat something,

241
00:15:39,590 --> 00:15:43,830
I have a gift for you. You have to come out and stop crying.

242
00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:48,030
And there's. There's always been something about her. Her name

243
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:52,110
is Satrini. There's always been something about Satrini that

244
00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:56,070
makes her so special. She can convince anyone. She's so sweet

245
00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,790
and. Well, I did. I did what she

246
00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:04,390
said because I wanted to know what the gift was. She bought

247
00:16:04,890 --> 00:16:08,430
me two books. And that's not something that she would do for

248
00:16:08,930 --> 00:16:12,110
any. Like, I. That was the first time she was gifting books to anyone.

249
00:16:12,670 --> 00:16:15,870
She went to the store and like, she knew exactly what I needed.

250
00:16:16,370 --> 00:16:20,270
If she had come with candy, no way. I'm not going to eat. Or.

251
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:24,350
Or I'm not stopping. Stop stopping crying. But she came with two

252
00:16:24,850 --> 00:16:28,070
books. It was one from William Shakespeare, Sueno de

253
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:32,040
Nano Chevrano. I don't know the title in English. And the other one

254
00:16:32,540 --> 00:16:35,840
was Panamanian writer. Okay, like author.

255
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:39,760
And I. I can read books in one day.

256
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,600
That's part of me. And she

257
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:47,440
started with that and then she started taking me out with her and

258
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:51,160
books and library and all that. And that's how she got me out

259
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:55,120
of there. I mean, we struggled the next years with.

260
00:16:55,820 --> 00:17:00,100
It wasn't easy. I was going through a harsh situation.

261
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,940
But she found her ways. It wasn't

262
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,500
always easy. So I started integrating a little bit.

263
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:11,740
It was hard. I don't watch television because to me,

264
00:17:12,620 --> 00:17:16,060
reading books was more interesting. And I tend to

265
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,580
isolate from people a lot, just go into my own zone. And I

266
00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,790
don't. I don't do well with people of my age. I do well with older

267
00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:28,910
people because I learn from them and I can. We can have interesting conversations.

268
00:17:29,410 --> 00:17:32,630
When it comes to people of my age, it's not so easy.

269
00:17:32,870 --> 00:17:36,150
It wasn't. I was 12 and I remember I didn't have any friends because of

270
00:17:36,650 --> 00:17:39,110
that. I was also an athlete. That's.

271
00:17:39,430 --> 00:17:42,870
Yes. I used to compete running and I,

272
00:17:43,510 --> 00:17:46,870
it was a huge part of me. I, I did everything that I could.

273
00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:50,620
Yeah. Honestly, so, but at that moment,

274
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:54,260
I, I was doing nothing. And I needed to fill my space with

275
00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,180
all of these things that I love and I couldn't because I was trapped in

276
00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:01,140
there. And you have to follow certain rules that I never cared

277
00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:05,260
about. I, I, I did my effort,

278
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:09,260
first few days, and then they had to change, not me. It was,

279
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:14,280
was hard. So I, I was trying to integrate

280
00:18:14,780 --> 00:18:18,480
with the girls, but it was hard. I tried, but I would prefer

281
00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:21,960
having a book while they were all eating. I would finish quickly and then start

282
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:25,760
reading. They were all talking and I was in my own, like I was with

283
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:29,800
all of them at the same time. I'm not. And I wasn't, like,

284
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,160
I wasn't used to the system. So this,

285
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,680
you have to wake 3:30am there's girls like

286
00:18:38,180 --> 00:18:42,490
waking up and they wake you up because they make noise I

287
00:18:42,990 --> 00:18:46,170
hate, Like, I don't, like, I dislike waking up

288
00:18:46,670 --> 00:18:49,850
that early. 4am, all of them

289
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:53,930
up. Oh, not me. Because that's the system.

290
00:18:54,170 --> 00:18:56,890
Because it's, that's how it is.

291
00:18:57,530 --> 00:19:01,250
So all of them up at 4am well, they have to get

292
00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:05,090
ready for school. And there's like 60 girls and there's like

293
00:19:05,590 --> 00:19:08,660
four bathrooms. So, you know,

294
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:12,540
so that we all have time to get ready. That's the time that

295
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,340
they must wake up. But not me, no, that wasn't

296
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:20,500
me. And then you have to go to pray in the morning.

297
00:19:22,180 --> 00:19:26,900
And church was next to our dormitories,

298
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:31,460
so there was no way of avoiding it. And I

299
00:19:31,700 --> 00:19:35,370
found a way to avoid it. Then praying before

300
00:19:35,850 --> 00:19:39,370
breakfast, then eating breakfast and you know, going to

301
00:19:39,870 --> 00:19:41,370
school, taking the buses.

302
00:19:43,210 --> 00:19:46,530
When we were back from school, we would have

303
00:19:47,030 --> 00:19:50,370
to like eat lunch, pray. We couldn't

304
00:19:50,870 --> 00:19:53,970
sleep. We had to go straight to studying and

305
00:19:54,470 --> 00:19:58,170
doing homework. And then 6pm, then we

306
00:19:58,670 --> 00:20:02,710
go take a shower, all of us. And then we do

307
00:20:03,190 --> 00:20:06,630
dinner time. And then you go to sleep

308
00:20:07,130 --> 00:20:10,390
and you go through the same routine. And if there's something that kills me is

309
00:20:10,630 --> 00:20:14,150
routine, I cannot stand it. Plus I

310
00:20:14,650 --> 00:20:19,510
needed to sleep. So for four years I

311
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:23,670
felt drained. Like, I, I, I don't feel like that anymore.

312
00:20:24,170 --> 00:20:27,550
But I, I felt constantly drained with this need to be

313
00:20:28,050 --> 00:20:31,030
sleeping all the time. I was tired all the time.

314
00:20:32,180 --> 00:20:35,900
I, I wouldn't wake up. 4:00am I

315
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:40,020
waited until they were all ready and I told the nun,

316
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,980
like, I, I can't, like I need to sleep. I was the

317
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,580
only one studying science for high school because you can

318
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,740
here in Panama. You can go into different, like,

319
00:20:50,900 --> 00:20:54,820
concentrations. I don't know how to say it, but yeah. Yeah. So I went

320
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:59,190
for science, and when it was church time

321
00:20:59,510 --> 00:21:02,950
in the morning. Because at first I would go to school in the afternoon,

322
00:21:03,510 --> 00:21:05,430
so I had to go to church in the morning.

323
00:21:06,950 --> 00:21:10,310
And I did it for a couple of weeks, and then

324
00:21:10,810 --> 00:21:14,390
I wasn't feeling it. So I told the

325
00:21:14,890 --> 00:21:18,270
nun that I'm not feeling it. Whatever I'm saying in there, it's not coming out

326
00:21:18,770 --> 00:21:22,710
of my heart. I don't want to go anymore. And they got

327
00:21:23,210 --> 00:21:25,720
into this big fight, like all the nuns,

328
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:29,560
and they were, like. They were not accepting that.

329
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,240
And we had a lot of problem. And then I would.

330
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:36,280
When it was church time, I would be sleeping under my bed so that they

331
00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:39,400
wouldn't find me until they found me. And then I had to find another spot.

332
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:42,880
Okay. And then I just didn't care. I would sleep.

333
00:21:43,380 --> 00:21:46,360
And they were mad, and I felt bad about it, but I needed to sleep.

334
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:51,340
Not that I'm proud of not following rules, but I

335
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,500
kind of. I'm so sorry. I. I kind of am.

336
00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,580
And now they laugh about it now. They're like. They look at me and

337
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:01,780
they're like, it was all worth it. Good.

338
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:06,100
But it took us a lot. So that's how I changed.

339
00:22:06,420 --> 00:22:09,580
I took school then in the morning so that I

340
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:13,580
wouldn't have to go to church in the morning. Gotcha. I could skip

341
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,500
that. Yeah. Yeah. That's the reason why I changed timing.

342
00:22:18,010 --> 00:22:21,130
And then I started doing better at school.

343
00:22:21,210 --> 00:22:24,450
I started. I. I was back, like, at being

344
00:22:24,950 --> 00:22:28,770
myself again and studying and being the best and having this thing

345
00:22:29,270 --> 00:22:32,930
about academically, you know, what they call, like, the academic

346
00:22:33,430 --> 00:22:36,810
weapon thing. I was back to being that.

347
00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:41,050
I was back to being top high, like, top student.

348
00:22:41,530 --> 00:22:44,930
And the nuns were. I was the only one. Like, I had the highest

349
00:22:45,430 --> 00:22:49,320
grade at the orphanage, and they were happy about it at school.

350
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:52,920
Everyone loved me. And then slowly I started.

351
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,760
One day they were having, like, a public speaking contest. And I

352
00:22:57,260 --> 00:23:00,960
say, I'm going. And the nuns didn't know.

353
00:23:01,460 --> 00:23:04,960
And I won't. I mean, I trusted myself. I won't.

354
00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:09,640
And when all the professors knew that I was from the orphanage, like the Spanish

355
00:23:10,140 --> 00:23:13,640
professors that they had to tutor me, they didn't want to.

356
00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:18,540
They all backed it back down. Because coming

357
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:22,580
from an orphanage represent a problem that you are legally

358
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:27,220
protected by the government, by state. And they have

359
00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,980
never handled a girl like me

360
00:23:31,940 --> 00:23:35,780
or from an orphanage. And one professor

361
00:23:36,420 --> 00:23:39,140
said, yes. And today she is family.

362
00:23:40,340 --> 00:23:44,260
She trusted me. And we actually won the contest nationally

363
00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:48,900
and the nuns couldn't believe it. Like, they were amazed.

364
00:23:48,980 --> 00:23:52,460
They went and they were crying like they were more nervous than I

365
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,700
was when I had to, like. Because there's, like, this part

366
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:01,180
that you learn what you're saying, and then the next part is

367
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,660
they give you a topic, and you just have three minutes and you have five

368
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,620
minutes to talk about this topic. And they must sound really good in there,

369
00:24:08,020 --> 00:24:11,960
in front of everyone on stage. And I. I went for

370
00:24:12,460 --> 00:24:15,920
it. Yeah. And they started supporting me on this. But I was the

371
00:24:16,420 --> 00:24:19,880
only one at the orphanage, So I started advocating. This is the part that they

372
00:24:20,380 --> 00:24:23,560
didn't like about me, that I would start talking and whatever I

373
00:24:24,060 --> 00:24:27,160
didn't think was right, I would tell them, this is not right. I don't like

374
00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:31,160
this. You shouldn't do this. They were the

375
00:24:31,660 --> 00:24:35,320
authority. They were the nuns, and I didn't care. So I told

376
00:24:35,820 --> 00:24:39,000
them that the girls should be allowed to participate in sports,

377
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:43,040
dancing, whatever they wanted if they had good grades.

378
00:24:43,540 --> 00:24:46,680
And I started advocating for it. And that's how it all

379
00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:51,720
started. And that's how massive change started

380
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,640
at the orphanage. And then one day, I started advocating

381
00:24:56,140 --> 00:24:59,520
for older girls being allowed to use makeup

382
00:25:00,020 --> 00:25:02,360
on special days. That was a fight.

383
00:25:03,740 --> 00:25:07,340
And the nuns had to turn everything around to make this happen.

384
00:25:07,420 --> 00:25:11,420
And they were saying it works. They were having internal fights between

385
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,300
them because not all of them were agreeing with it,

386
00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:19,019
but it was working. The girls were having better grades

387
00:25:19,420 --> 00:25:22,540
because they were, like, they were forced to. If you

388
00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:26,860
don't have good grades, you cannot do sports, soccer or whatever. And then

389
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:31,410
they started singing. And I started my own theater group at

390
00:25:31,910 --> 00:25:35,450
the orphanage. Then I started my own mariachi grove at the orphanage.

391
00:25:35,850 --> 00:25:39,730
And I started singing for now, for Mother's Day, I would take the

392
00:25:40,230 --> 00:25:43,770
girls and me singing all to the government officials,

393
00:25:43,850 --> 00:25:46,650
and we would sing for them, and we would bring all this.

394
00:25:47,289 --> 00:25:49,770
Then I started my gymnastic.

395
00:25:50,090 --> 00:25:53,210
Gymnastic class. I couldn't do,

396
00:25:53,370 --> 00:25:56,530
like, a lot. I hurt my back then,

397
00:25:57,030 --> 00:26:00,850
and I couldn't do much. I used to run and all that, but I could

398
00:26:01,350 --> 00:26:05,410
still teach the girls. So I would create this whole artistic

399
00:26:05,730 --> 00:26:09,410
scenery to receive people, and they would all participate

400
00:26:09,910 --> 00:26:12,050
in. And that's how I started blending in.

401
00:26:13,890 --> 00:26:17,250
You started blending in by taking the lead and

402
00:26:17,410 --> 00:26:20,850
creating? Yes, that's how it is.

403
00:26:21,170 --> 00:26:24,530
Most of the time. I take the lead and I create.

404
00:26:24,690 --> 00:26:27,890
Every time that I'm able to create, I.

405
00:26:28,370 --> 00:26:32,170
I try to make it like I try to make magic

406
00:26:32,670 --> 00:26:36,770
happen. But the nuns had a hard time because I was not

407
00:26:37,270 --> 00:26:41,210
like the other girls at all. I wasn't afraid to talk, to defend

408
00:26:41,710 --> 00:26:44,930
myself and also defend the other girls if something wasn't right.

409
00:26:45,490 --> 00:26:47,730
And the story is not all pink.

410
00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:52,450
I didn't want to be at the orphanage. I wasn't extremely

411
00:26:52,950 --> 00:26:56,370
happy about being in there. I was sad. I felt alone.

412
00:26:56,610 --> 00:26:59,880
When Christmas time. When it was Christmas time, New Year's Eve,

413
00:27:00,110 --> 00:27:03,310
whatever. We would all like, all the girls, we would all

414
00:27:03,950 --> 00:27:07,470
sit at the living room and cry all

415
00:27:07,970 --> 00:27:11,550
together. And I wouldn't stop crying and

416
00:27:12,050 --> 00:27:16,029
feeling alone. My favorite day for church was Sunday. The only

417
00:27:16,529 --> 00:27:19,390
reason it was my favorite is because the community could. That day,

418
00:27:19,790 --> 00:27:23,030
community could come, and I would see a lot of new people coming

419
00:27:23,530 --> 00:27:27,190
into church, and I didn't feel so alone. And I would always expect

420
00:27:27,270 --> 00:27:31,070
to see someone from my past, like family or someone

421
00:27:31,570 --> 00:27:35,310
to come in and to feel somehow loved. That never

422
00:27:35,810 --> 00:27:39,750
happened, not very often. So I

423
00:27:40,250 --> 00:27:43,870
felt alone most of the time. But then I

424
00:27:44,370 --> 00:27:48,350
grew up. I had the best grades. I worked so hard to

425
00:27:48,850 --> 00:27:52,290
be perfect at everything. It was a

426
00:27:52,790 --> 00:27:56,730
big pressure. Still is. Sometimes. People expect

427
00:27:57,230 --> 00:27:59,610
a lot from me, and,

428
00:28:00,810 --> 00:28:04,250
yeah, that's how it was growing up

429
00:28:04,750 --> 00:28:08,770
for me. Wow. So your

430
00:28:09,270 --> 00:28:14,250
brother stayed with your mom then? Yes. Okay. And you

431
00:28:14,750 --> 00:28:18,670
never lived with your dad. That wasn't an option for you? No. So my dad

432
00:28:19,070 --> 00:28:23,310
has been amazing all the time, but my dad didn't take

433
00:28:23,810 --> 00:28:27,550
good decisions, so he couldn't care for, like, he couldn't

434
00:28:28,050 --> 00:28:31,470
take care of me or my brother, like, economically, he couldn't.

435
00:28:31,950 --> 00:28:35,910
And he wasn't just prepared. So it

436
00:28:36,410 --> 00:28:39,990
wasn't an option. But he was the only one that was allowed, actually. And he

437
00:28:40,490 --> 00:28:44,460
would visit. Like, he would do anything to visit every

438
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,860
15 days or. Oh, wow. Sometimes once in

439
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,460
a month, or he would call. Like, he. He was the only one that was

440
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,340
actually very consistent. Consistent about it. Even if at first

441
00:28:56,840 --> 00:29:00,140
I. I was so hurt by my entire family because I

442
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,500
felt abandoned by all of them. Yeah. And I

443
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,990
didn't want to know about him or anyone else, but I

444
00:29:09,490 --> 00:29:12,750
remember him crying and suffering a lot. And he tried

445
00:29:12,990 --> 00:29:15,390
and tried and tried until I was like, well,

446
00:29:15,950 --> 00:29:16,910
we're stuck together.

447
00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:22,190
And I remember he did fight for me,

448
00:29:22,270 --> 00:29:25,550
like, very few people have fought for me. He did.

449
00:29:27,870 --> 00:29:31,150
So your dad fought for you, which is a huge deal.

450
00:29:31,470 --> 00:29:34,870
But, you know, there were instances beyond his

451
00:29:35,370 --> 00:29:38,920
control that he couldn't take care of you by himself.

452
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:42,760
So you had mentioned foster care isn't a thing here.

453
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,120
So it's basically be with your family or be in an

454
00:29:47,620 --> 00:29:51,800
orphanage. Is that the option? Yes. Very few cases.

455
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,560
And is it because the government doesn't Want to step in to separate

456
00:29:57,060 --> 00:30:00,080
families? Or is it because, like, even when they need to,

457
00:30:00,580 --> 00:30:04,070
or is it because, like, culturally, it's just not a thing

458
00:30:04,570 --> 00:30:08,230
to have a lot of families giving up their

459
00:30:08,730 --> 00:30:11,750
children. There are several factors. First,

460
00:30:11,830 --> 00:30:15,430
Panama is pro family. Family is the base of society.

461
00:30:15,830 --> 00:30:19,830
It's the foundation. I'm sorry, for society. So government

462
00:30:20,330 --> 00:30:24,110
is going to try to reunite kids with their family. Even if

463
00:30:24,610 --> 00:30:28,320
the situation is bad, they're going to try. Unless it's

464
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:33,000
really, really bad, which is mostly what hap. Mostly what

465
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:36,480
is the case for most of the girls at the Orphish.

466
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,640
Panama is not a place for people adopting

467
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:44,560
or. Or being a foster home. They can barely survive

468
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,800
themselves. They, like most of

469
00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:52,880
our people, don't make enough money, so they.

470
00:30:53,190 --> 00:30:55,750
They can barely take care of their own family.

471
00:30:56,630 --> 00:31:00,830
So, no, people don't offer to. To have

472
00:31:01,330 --> 00:31:04,310
these kids at their home. It's truly rare.

473
00:31:05,110 --> 00:31:08,710
And our authorities try to prevent.

474
00:31:09,109 --> 00:31:12,390
So there's certain risk about giving kids

475
00:31:12,470 --> 00:31:15,990
to people that are not their family. Sure. Something happens,

476
00:31:16,310 --> 00:31:20,310
it's their fault. Any. And it's a big deal. Panama is a tiny

477
00:31:20,810 --> 00:31:24,440
country. Whatever you want on the news, believe me, it's easy to get it there.

478
00:31:24,940 --> 00:31:28,160
And the whole country gets all. It's a scandal and it

479
00:31:28,660 --> 00:31:31,680
goes crazy. So government doesn't want that. Yeah.

480
00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:36,560
So for so many reasons, it's very

481
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:40,240
few cases. It happens. It's not

482
00:31:40,740 --> 00:31:44,680
so common. Yeah. It's really interesting to know how cultures

483
00:31:45,180 --> 00:31:48,680
and countries deal with these issues that are

484
00:31:49,180 --> 00:31:52,760
going to come up regardless of how many things you have

485
00:31:53,260 --> 00:31:56,920
in place to fight against it. Right. And so that's what happened. That's where you

486
00:31:57,420 --> 00:32:00,360
fell into, like the crack you fell into. And the other girls that were at

487
00:32:00,860 --> 00:32:04,240
the orphanage with you. Yes, yes. But this whole

488
00:32:04,740 --> 00:32:08,000
thing came about, you know, I'm in Panama right now because

489
00:32:08,560 --> 00:32:12,240
a good friend of both of ours met you

490
00:32:12,400 --> 00:32:16,000
through her sister who lives in Pennsylvania because you

491
00:32:16,500 --> 00:32:19,940
were living in Pennsylvan. So how did

492
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,780
you go from an orphanage in Panama to actually

493
00:32:24,860 --> 00:32:28,380
kind of the middle of nowhere, Pennsylvania, here in

494
00:32:28,620 --> 00:32:31,980
Wilkes. Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania, in the middle of the state?

495
00:32:32,860 --> 00:32:37,460
Whenever I'm asked that question, and it's very often first

496
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,500
thing I say, it's God. It's my

497
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,140
heavenly father. There's no other way to explain it.

498
00:32:45,260 --> 00:32:49,260
I know he prepared me for that. If I had not gone through all

499
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,440
of the things I went through, shouldn't be here, I would have not gotten

500
00:32:53,940 --> 00:32:57,680
there. Well, I had good grades and I did a lot at school

501
00:32:58,180 --> 00:33:01,720
and I won lots of awards and perfect student

502
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,160
Liked by all professors. Very popular.

503
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:10,400
Not the kind of popular that we see in movies. I was sort

504
00:33:10,900 --> 00:33:14,520
of like, those are really good students. And then they just,

505
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,640
you know, that popular. Not the pretty ones,

506
00:33:19,570 --> 00:33:22,850
no. So I was at the orphanage.

507
00:33:22,930 --> 00:33:25,730
It was October 11, 2019,

508
00:33:26,690 --> 00:33:30,090
and someone came in. Her name was Marcoba

509
00:33:30,590 --> 00:33:34,210
Concepcion, former minister for social

510
00:33:34,710 --> 00:33:38,330
development in Panama. It was pretty high authority and

511
00:33:38,830 --> 00:33:42,850
she was visiting first. So the nuns that run

512
00:33:43,350 --> 00:33:47,500
like the orphanage also run like elderly home. Right. So Marcoba

513
00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:51,460
was this social development minister, was visiting the

514
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:55,300
elderly home. And the nuns told her like, oh, a couple of

515
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:59,460
blocks from here we have an orphanage, girls. It was Friday

516
00:33:59,540 --> 00:34:03,060
night, 8pm she could have gone to her hotel.

517
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,300
I'm sure she was tired of visiting lots of places that day. And she said,

518
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,460
why now? Like, why not? So she.

519
00:34:12,650 --> 00:34:16,170
She came to the orphanage and the girls, as always, would receive people

520
00:34:16,330 --> 00:34:19,730
singing. I didn't want to sing for her. I was studying.

521
00:34:20,230 --> 00:34:23,650
I wouldn't come out, like I heard the, the noise and

522
00:34:24,150 --> 00:34:27,850
all, like, because the girls would get really hyped up and all that.

523
00:34:28,350 --> 00:34:31,610
And I. I wasn't into that. I was studying and I was like, I'm not

524
00:34:32,110 --> 00:34:36,010
gonna receive another, you know, government official that is just gonna come see

525
00:34:36,510 --> 00:34:40,020
things and kisses and then bye bye

526
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,580
and never seeing them again. Yeah, I was enough for that.

527
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,740
But almost at the end, I was a little bit curious. So I

528
00:34:48,240 --> 00:34:51,820
went out. Not for singing, not at all. I wasn't singing for,

529
00:34:52,300 --> 00:34:55,420
for. For. For that kind of people that I thought I was meaning.

530
00:34:55,740 --> 00:34:59,300
I come out and I see this woman and she was everything.

531
00:34:59,800 --> 00:35:01,980
I wasn't expecting her to be simple.

532
00:35:02,620 --> 00:35:06,020
There was something about her. I think the thing that made

533
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:09,850
me curious was her simplicity, the way she was dressed up.

534
00:35:09,930 --> 00:35:12,890
It was so simple. And the nuns,

535
00:35:13,530 --> 00:35:17,050
the nuns are and were very proud

536
00:35:17,550 --> 00:35:21,210
of me. So they would always introduce me too. And I had pictures

537
00:35:21,710 --> 00:35:25,410
of that day. And she only asked me two questions. I remember she

538
00:35:25,910 --> 00:35:30,330
asked me what my grades were like. She was surprised to know

539
00:35:30,810 --> 00:35:33,970
they were really good. And then she asked me what I wanted to do for

540
00:35:34,470 --> 00:35:37,000
the future, what I wanted to study, where I to wanted, like, what was my

541
00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:40,480
dream. And I remember I told her, I want to go abroad,

542
00:35:40,720 --> 00:35:44,520
I want to learn English and I want to study something related to

543
00:35:45,020 --> 00:35:48,240
chemistry or biology. She never promised anything.

544
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:52,640
She left that night. And I thought it was just like

545
00:35:53,040 --> 00:35:56,640
one of those politicians that come and go. As always,

546
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,480
I didn't believe in her, honestly. And I had forgotten

547
00:36:00,980 --> 00:36:04,000
about her until it was December, same year, 2019,

548
00:36:04,670 --> 00:36:08,390
and I was about to graduate And I received a letter from the

549
00:36:08,890 --> 00:36:12,190
institution, the government institution that was in charge of institutionalized

550
00:36:12,350 --> 00:36:15,870
girls, including me. And the letter said that

551
00:36:16,370 --> 00:36:19,230
I had three days to leave the orphanage. And I,

552
00:36:20,270 --> 00:36:23,630
I cried those three days because I, back then, I didn't

553
00:36:24,130 --> 00:36:27,790
know how to solve my problems. So my way of solving problems was bed

554
00:36:28,290 --> 00:36:31,880
and cry. I mean, that's a pretty big problem. Three days is not

555
00:36:32,380 --> 00:36:36,000
a lot of notice for to leave your home without a plan.

556
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,840
I mean, I was 18. I tried planning, but the nuns wouldn't help me

557
00:36:40,340 --> 00:36:42,400
plan because that's why I,

558
00:36:43,200 --> 00:36:46,880
I get so anxious. And that's something about

559
00:36:47,380 --> 00:36:50,880
me. I get anxious about future. So I start planning and having all

560
00:36:51,380 --> 00:36:54,560
these options just to prevent things from

561
00:36:55,060 --> 00:36:58,410
happening because I. This was what happened. It traumatized me.

562
00:36:58,910 --> 00:37:02,890
Yeah. And I didn't know how. To me, most important thing was studying.

563
00:37:03,390 --> 00:37:05,850
And I didn't know how I was going to do, to study or I,

564
00:37:05,930 --> 00:37:08,330
I imagined myself living under a bridge.

565
00:37:08,890 --> 00:37:11,770
Like, I, I imagine every single, like,

566
00:37:12,410 --> 00:37:15,210
situation happening. And I,

567
00:37:15,850 --> 00:37:19,770
to me, I couldn't count on my family. Like, to me, I was alone.

568
00:37:20,010 --> 00:37:23,840
Like, I, I knew I had family and I

569
00:37:24,340 --> 00:37:27,520
couldn't think of them. Like, I couldn't trust them. I,

570
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:31,440
I would not go back to them. I would not

571
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:35,360
have them. Like, to me, I was alone.

572
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:39,440
That's how it felt. I was alone against the world. And it's always

573
00:37:39,940 --> 00:37:43,040
been like that. So I cried.

574
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:47,040
I. I don't know, like there was nothing

575
00:37:47,540 --> 00:37:50,420
that I could do. I mean, there probably was something that I could do,

576
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:54,780
but I, I was so desperate. And the third

577
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:59,260
day that I had to go out, someone, I think the nuns

578
00:37:59,660 --> 00:38:03,100
found a way to contact Markova, Social development

579
00:38:03,180 --> 00:38:07,020
minister. And I didn't know about it. And she found,

580
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,820
like, contact through her contacts and doing networking. She found an

581
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,460
apartment I didn't have to pay for. She found a place for me to live

582
00:38:14,860 --> 00:38:19,500
for a couple of weeks. And since then she's

583
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:23,380
been like, like on top of everything about me, and she

584
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:26,620
was taking care of me, even if we didn't know each other.

585
00:38:27,420 --> 00:38:32,060
So for a month I had a place and

586
00:38:32,460 --> 00:38:36,152
it was graduation time. December 19,

587
00:38:36,368 --> 00:38:39,740
2019. I guess I didn't want

588
00:38:40,240 --> 00:38:42,660
to go to my own graduation. I was so depressed because, yes, I had an

589
00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:46,300
apartment, but I was like, no, what do I do? Like, how do I continue?

590
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:49,700
I'm alone, I don't even know how to cook. The nuns didn't told me how

591
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,700
to. They didn't teach me how to cook. And how

592
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,420
did I go to the bank? Or, like, I've never been out.

593
00:38:57,740 --> 00:39:01,420
Yeah. Like, I never had the

594
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:05,380
chance to go to a quinceanera party or go

595
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:10,150
out with friends. So everything that I would do, I was 18 and

596
00:39:10,650 --> 00:39:14,150
I was out of the walls that I knew and

597
00:39:14,470 --> 00:39:18,070
everything that I was going to do, like, if I was going to my bedroom,

598
00:39:18,570 --> 00:39:21,910
I would call the nuns and I'm like, I'm going to my bedroom and like,

599
00:39:22,410 --> 00:39:25,990
ask for permission. That's all I knew how to do. The professors

600
00:39:26,490 --> 00:39:30,070
from my school and all the people around that I never thought about, like,

601
00:39:30,390 --> 00:39:34,150
I never thought they would love me so much when

602
00:39:34,650 --> 00:39:38,710
they knew about the situation. The, like, the school principal and, and his

603
00:39:39,210 --> 00:39:42,630
wife brought food. They. They do grocery shopping

604
00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:46,950
for me. And the other one took me to the doctor because

605
00:39:47,450 --> 00:39:50,750
I needed to go and I didn't know how to. And the other one

606
00:39:51,250 --> 00:39:53,950
bought me clothes because I didn't have much,

607
00:39:54,270 --> 00:39:58,190
honestly. And they were all like, I. It just

608
00:39:58,690 --> 00:40:02,820
surprised me. I felt so loved. And I have a problem accepting

609
00:40:03,540 --> 00:40:07,140
things from others. Help, like accepting

610
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:10,820
help from people or people paying for me. I feel like it. I,

611
00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:14,420
I am great at giving and I love it much

612
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:18,900
more. But when it comes to accepting from people, I have a huge

613
00:40:18,980 --> 00:40:22,820
problem. I don't, I don't do well with that. I'm working on it.

614
00:40:23,540 --> 00:40:26,100
And it, it's part of trauma thing.

615
00:40:26,500 --> 00:40:30,420
You don't feel deserving or, you know, or you feel like you bothered people.

616
00:40:30,500 --> 00:40:34,250
And I know it's a trauma response

617
00:40:34,750 --> 00:40:38,330
that I have to work on. And then they all started helping me and I

618
00:40:38,830 --> 00:40:42,050
wasn't alone, like. And the

619
00:40:42,550 --> 00:40:46,010
day of my graduation, I didn't want to go. I was so sad. And everyone

620
00:40:46,090 --> 00:40:50,010
started insisting on me going. And I was like, well,

621
00:40:50,650 --> 00:40:54,970
you know, let's. Let's go. And the nun was extremely,

622
00:40:55,470 --> 00:40:58,490
like, pushy about it and she wanted me to go. And I didn't know.

623
00:40:58,990 --> 00:41:02,440
So that day on the line, walking up

624
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,960
to take my seat and I see a helicopter come down.

625
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:10,120
And all of a sudden from the helicopter comes president

626
00:41:10,620 --> 00:41:14,840
of Panama back then. His name is Laurentino Cortizo

627
00:41:15,340 --> 00:41:19,200
Cohen. And the line breaks exactly where I am for him to pass.

628
00:41:19,700 --> 00:41:23,480
And he was passing, but somehow he saw me. He passed

629
00:41:23,980 --> 00:41:27,910
through and then he came back. I think he. So he

630
00:41:28,410 --> 00:41:31,950
had seen pictures of me and then he recognized me and

631
00:41:32,450 --> 00:41:36,550
he came to say hi and then he went to the stage

632
00:41:37,050 --> 00:41:40,190
and I, I was like, oh, this is just, you know,

633
00:41:40,750 --> 00:41:44,270
this is so nice. What I didn't know is

634
00:41:44,770 --> 00:41:49,350
that he was there for me. So turns

635
00:41:49,850 --> 00:41:53,200
out he had gone there for me and I didn't

636
00:41:53,700 --> 00:41:56,880
know. And they called my name on stage to give me my diploma, but that

637
00:41:57,380 --> 00:41:59,880
was in the order. Like, I was supposed to wait for a few people because

638
00:41:59,960 --> 00:42:03,520
I was. I had really good grades, but I wasn't valedictorian, so I wasn't supposed

639
00:42:04,020 --> 00:42:07,280
to go first. And then they called me and I thought it was a mistake.

640
00:42:07,780 --> 00:42:09,960
I didn't. Like, they had to call me like three times. And I was like,

641
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,960
like, are you sure? And I even got confused. I was so nervous.

642
00:42:15,460 --> 00:42:19,410
I got confused and I went the wrong way. And I get there and

643
00:42:19,910 --> 00:42:23,850
he gives me my diploma. He gives me full scholarship.

644
00:42:24,350 --> 00:42:26,930
And he announces full scholarship in front of the whole school,

645
00:42:27,410 --> 00:42:30,970
more than a thousand people. And he tells

646
00:42:31,470 --> 00:42:35,250
me that from that point on, he was going to be my family.

647
00:42:36,130 --> 00:42:40,050
And I was crying. And the first thing I

648
00:42:40,550 --> 00:42:44,010
could do was telling him about the nun that was there. And I

649
00:42:44,510 --> 00:42:48,570
was like, that's the nun that is like my mom. And we had pictures.

650
00:42:49,070 --> 00:42:53,110
And he hugged me. Me. And my life changed right there after

651
00:42:53,610 --> 00:42:57,270
that. I was talking to ministers, government officials for the scholarship.

652
00:42:57,770 --> 00:43:00,990
I had to travel to the city. And I didn't have a way moving around.

653
00:43:01,490 --> 00:43:06,190
I didn't know the city. So he would have his drivers and presidential

654
00:43:06,590 --> 00:43:09,630
palace, like, drivers and cars.

655
00:43:10,270 --> 00:43:13,830
So I felt so weird because I had to change cars.

656
00:43:14,330 --> 00:43:17,430
Apparently they have like a protocol or something. So I had to change cars.

657
00:43:17,930 --> 00:43:20,990
And they were pretty big change car every now and then. Oh,

658
00:43:21,490 --> 00:43:25,490
wow. They would take me everywhere. Then Marcoba

659
00:43:25,990 --> 00:43:28,450
was in the middle of everything and I just didn't know. And then she.

660
00:43:28,950 --> 00:43:31,690
She's the one that connected. She's the one that connected. Okay. Because she was.

661
00:43:31,930 --> 00:43:35,370
She was working with him. Like, she was close. Yeah, she's friend

662
00:43:35,870 --> 00:43:38,690
of him and she was working. But that's how he knew about you.

663
00:43:39,190 --> 00:43:42,570
Yes, that's how he, like. Because you didn't apply for this scholarship?

664
00:43:42,650 --> 00:43:46,250
No. Okay. No. They just gave it to me.

665
00:43:46,750 --> 00:43:50,170
Wow. And my dreams came true from that moment.

666
00:43:50,670 --> 00:43:53,970
I was on the news, radio, interviews, TV interviews. I was a

667
00:43:54,470 --> 00:43:57,970
little bit overwhelmed, but I do well with cameras, I guess,

668
00:43:58,050 --> 00:44:02,730
sometimes. And my life changed one

669
00:44:03,230 --> 00:44:06,490
day I was at the presidential palace, and I was like,

670
00:44:06,990 --> 00:44:10,130
the president, like, stood up and he gave me his seat.

671
00:44:10,610 --> 00:44:13,970
And I wasn't even prepared for that because I didn't think I was going there

672
00:44:14,470 --> 00:44:17,810
that day. And I had to give a speech to ministers. And all I could

673
00:44:18,310 --> 00:44:21,850
think about was the girls that I left behind. And I told them,

674
00:44:22,810 --> 00:44:26,250
I am leaving to make my dream come true and study.

675
00:44:26,970 --> 00:44:30,569
But I'm not living in peace unless I know

676
00:44:31,069 --> 00:44:34,770
that the girls that follow me, they are going to have the same opportunity.

677
00:44:35,270 --> 00:44:38,570
They can continue studying. If not, this won't help at all.

678
00:44:39,050 --> 00:44:43,120
You have to look that way. You cannot forget

679
00:44:43,620 --> 00:44:47,440
about those children. And I gave this truly big speech that

680
00:44:47,940 --> 00:44:51,480
I don't remember. I know what the topic was about. Everyone loved it.

681
00:44:51,980 --> 00:44:55,920
To date. Like, like to the date. Markova would tell you

682
00:44:56,420 --> 00:44:59,600
that was like, top speech. Like, wow,

683
00:45:00,100 --> 00:45:03,160
awesome. I don't know, because I wasn't prepared. So I,

684
00:45:03,660 --> 00:45:07,080
I, I don't really know what I say. Yeah. So President

685
00:45:07,580 --> 00:45:11,200
Panama was telling me that when he went to study to Texas US when

686
00:45:11,700 --> 00:45:15,600
he was younger, he, it was too cold for him, and he had trouble with

687
00:45:16,100 --> 00:45:19,480
that and he didn't want me to go through that. So his wife took

688
00:45:19,980 --> 00:45:23,360
me to the mall. And I couldn't, Like, I was

689
00:45:23,860 --> 00:45:27,400
shocked. I wasn't processing things because they were happening all so fast.

690
00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:31,280
So imagine me walking in the mall in front of

691
00:45:31,780 --> 00:45:35,200
everyone with first lady of Panama. And she would tell me

692
00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:38,320
like, oh, wear this. And I want you, I want you to try this.

693
00:45:38,820 --> 00:45:41,760
And I would come out and she was like, oh, that looks cute. And whatever,

694
00:45:42,080 --> 00:45:46,320
you know, like that sort of interaction. And it was not just.

695
00:45:46,820 --> 00:45:50,320
It was first lady of Panama. Yeah. And they bought all

696
00:45:50,800 --> 00:45:53,960
clothing for winter because I didn't have anything.

697
00:45:54,460 --> 00:45:58,160
I didn't have money or nothing. So they bought all clothing

698
00:45:58,660 --> 00:46:01,920
for winter. I received tons of invitations. I also

699
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:05,760
met Erica, and there at the. Erica Ender's a Latin Grammy Award

700
00:46:06,260 --> 00:46:09,440
winner. Huge here in Panama. And I met her again

701
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,920
at the Presidential Palace. And I

702
00:46:14,420 --> 00:46:16,440
connected with lots of people through my story.

703
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:21,040
And then I, I left. That's how I, I was sent

704
00:46:21,540 --> 00:46:25,040
for the first time. I took an airplane alone. I had no idea what was

705
00:46:25,540 --> 00:46:29,360
waiting for me. I didn't even read the information. I had

706
00:46:29,860 --> 00:46:33,520
no idea. Like, I didn't know the university I was going to. I could have

707
00:46:34,020 --> 00:46:37,250
picked any university. And I saw a group going to Wilkes Wilkesburg.

708
00:46:37,490 --> 00:46:40,730
And I, I was so overwhelmed by so much. I didn't

709
00:46:41,230 --> 00:46:43,570
know I was a child. So I, I was like, oh, I go with those

710
00:46:43,810 --> 00:46:47,050
guys. Yeah, I, I'll go there. And I don't

711
00:46:47,550 --> 00:46:51,410
regret it. MIT or Harvard can never, never be

712
00:46:51,910 --> 00:46:54,730
better than the experience that I had at Wilkes University and the people that I

713
00:46:55,230 --> 00:46:58,930
met. Yeah. So I, A month after getting

714
00:46:59,430 --> 00:47:02,670
out of the orphanage, I was in the States. Wow.

715
00:47:02,990 --> 00:47:05,550
And I didn't know the language.

716
00:47:06,110 --> 00:47:09,510
I mean, I knew I was pretty good at grammar and writing and all that,

717
00:47:10,010 --> 00:47:13,070
but I I had never had people speaking to me in English.

718
00:47:13,390 --> 00:47:16,910
At first it was really hard, and I. I didn't know how to speak English.

719
00:47:17,410 --> 00:47:20,430
Like, I could say a few words, but put the whole thing together.

720
00:47:20,670 --> 00:47:24,270
No. And I got there and

721
00:47:24,770 --> 00:47:28,190
I saw snow and I fell in love with Pennsylvania and.

722
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:33,360
And my journey began. And I am so

723
00:47:33,860 --> 00:47:35,960
grateful and so blessed. And what did you study in?

724
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,800
Biochemistry. There you go. With a minor in biology

725
00:47:40,300 --> 00:47:43,320
and a research project on organic semiconductors.

726
00:47:43,400 --> 00:47:47,200
Wow. Did you come back to Panama at all while

727
00:47:47,700 --> 00:47:51,080
you were in the U.S. yes. Okay. Yes. I would come back for

728
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,720
holidays. Okay. I would try to.

729
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:57,960
Yes. Oh, that's good. So you at least had an opportunity to see.

730
00:47:58,460 --> 00:48:00,960
It's not like you didn't see your family or anything for four years. No,

731
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,640
actually on those, like, five years, I worked

732
00:48:05,140 --> 00:48:07,360
on building from scratch. Like,

733
00:48:08,320 --> 00:48:11,480
I had so much to work on, but I knew

734
00:48:11,980 --> 00:48:15,600
I had to forgive. I knew I had to let things in the past and

735
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,360
try to understand why people act like they,

736
00:48:19,760 --> 00:48:23,110
like, do the things they do. And I wanted to be

737
00:48:23,610 --> 00:48:26,830
the change. So I heard from someone that

738
00:48:27,330 --> 00:48:30,190
if you want to see a change in the world, you. You gotta be that

739
00:48:30,690 --> 00:48:34,190
change. And I said, well, my dream is to have a family.

740
00:48:34,590 --> 00:48:37,629
I. I don't want to feel this alone. And I don't want anyone to cry

741
00:48:38,129 --> 00:48:41,390
about me. I don't want my biological mother to, because.

742
00:48:41,890 --> 00:48:45,270
And, like, deep inside she felt bad. I don't want anyone

743
00:48:45,770 --> 00:48:49,560
crying for me. I don't want anyone. I don't want to have this live

744
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,280
in which I don't talk to you. And, you know,

745
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:57,640
I don't want this for other people either. So I

746
00:48:58,140 --> 00:49:01,240
gotta be the change here. And of course,

747
00:49:01,740 --> 00:49:06,040
it's not just my part. They also did a lot of work, but slowly

748
00:49:06,540 --> 00:49:10,240
I started coming back and trying to interact a little bit

749
00:49:10,740 --> 00:49:13,720
and find, again, a place for them in my life.

750
00:49:14,220 --> 00:49:16,680
Maybe not the place that they think they deserve,

751
00:49:17,660 --> 00:49:21,020
but a place. Yeah. And I started doing

752
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:24,620
that. Wow. So I was working on studying and then building,

753
00:49:25,500 --> 00:49:29,100
and sometimes the. The. The physical distance is

754
00:49:29,660 --> 00:49:32,900
helpful and almost necessary to do that. Right. Like, it.

755
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:37,900
It does make a difference. When you aren't having to survive

756
00:49:37,980 --> 00:49:41,300
these interactions day to day, you're. You have the

757
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:45,620
physical distance to kind of work through and process some of this stuff so that

758
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:49,980
you can put it in a different place and you can, you know, with boundaries,

759
00:49:50,220 --> 00:49:53,340
have relationships with these people. Yes. Yes.

760
00:49:53,420 --> 00:49:57,180
Time and distance were my best friends. Yeah. Yeah. It.

761
00:49:57,260 --> 00:50:01,220
I mean, it took me a long time to get past because

762
00:50:01,720 --> 00:50:04,900
I still have wounds yes. And I. And they were a lot more,

763
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:10,120
like, open back then. And it was extremely hard, but I.

764
00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:14,360
I knew who I wanted to be. And then

765
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:18,240
my first. My. My. My favorite Bible scripture

766
00:50:18,740 --> 00:50:21,720
is Corinthians 13, talks about love.

767
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:25,640
And I said, whatever I do, I'm going to concentrate on being that

768
00:50:26,040 --> 00:50:29,280
if God is love, I am going to be a reflection of love, whatever it

769
00:50:29,780 --> 00:50:33,040
takes. And I started to. Today, I. That's all

770
00:50:33,540 --> 00:50:37,150
I work on. Like, yes, I must work on being humble and all the

771
00:50:37,650 --> 00:50:40,270
other things. But that's main thing to me. I want to be light and love.

772
00:50:40,430 --> 00:50:42,350
Those are my two things.

773
00:50:43,070 --> 00:50:46,630
And if I want to see that in the world, if I want to see

774
00:50:47,130 --> 00:50:50,750
less fighting, less hate, less, like,

775
00:50:51,230 --> 00:50:54,390
all of this chaos, I want to introduce, like,

776
00:50:54,890 --> 00:50:58,590
have to introduce some love into the world and start with my own family.

777
00:50:59,090 --> 00:51:02,030
And then when that's done, I can start with other people.

778
00:51:03,330 --> 00:51:07,250
So that's when my faith was being restored. And I

779
00:51:07,750 --> 00:51:11,090
still work on my faith every single day. But I couldn't

780
00:51:11,590 --> 00:51:15,130
see God's plan until I got there. And when I got there,

781
00:51:15,630 --> 00:51:18,210
I was like, you had a big plan. Like,

782
00:51:19,010 --> 00:51:22,210
I couldn't see it. But since then,

783
00:51:22,850 --> 00:51:26,210
I told him, from now on, I am

784
00:51:26,450 --> 00:51:30,140
working on trusting you through processes. Even if they take

785
00:51:30,640 --> 00:51:34,060
five years in an orphanage, I am working on trusting your plans.

786
00:51:34,300 --> 00:51:37,980
Yeah. And that's what I've been working on. I love

787
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,980
that. Yeah. It is a process. And, you know,

788
00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:46,100
as somebody that has faith as well, I think that our

789
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:50,700
faith should constantly be evolving because God

790
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:55,420
is, you know, way bigger than our understanding can comprehend.

791
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:59,320
So as we learn new things, we should be applying

792
00:51:59,820 --> 00:52:03,120
that to what we know about God and the character of God.

793
00:52:03,620 --> 00:52:07,440
And God is love and all of those things in Corinthians.

794
00:52:08,240 --> 00:52:13,920
Patience, kindness, goodness. So you

795
00:52:14,720 --> 00:52:18,200
are in the United States. You're studying, you're going to

796
00:52:18,700 --> 00:52:21,840
college. What did you do after college?

797
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:26,840
You mean, when did you go to New York? Oh, okay.

798
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,640
So while I was in college, I also concentrated

799
00:52:33,140 --> 00:52:34,840
on being the best student I could.

800
00:52:36,280 --> 00:52:39,960
Markova again, she never left my side.

801
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:44,080
Today, she is one of the most important people

802
00:52:44,580 --> 00:52:47,800
in my life. Like, if I have to think of family,

803
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:52,080
she's top priority. Wow. Always. So she was.

804
00:52:52,400 --> 00:52:55,600
She was always texting me, calling, are you okay?

805
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:58,080
How are you feeling? You need medicine.

806
00:52:59,600 --> 00:53:04,160
In 2021, she was.

807
00:53:05,040 --> 00:53:08,080
She became Panama representative

808
00:53:08,480 --> 00:53:11,200
in UN, which was in New York,

809
00:53:11,700 --> 00:53:15,040
Manhattan. And later she also became

810
00:53:15,540 --> 00:53:17,760
president of the UN Women Board,

811
00:53:18,590 --> 00:53:22,350
which was huge. She's the third female

812
00:53:22,850 --> 00:53:26,910
Panama representative in un Most of them have been men and

813
00:53:27,410 --> 00:53:29,230
she is someone I look up to,

814
00:53:30,190 --> 00:53:34,110
and she was working there. And first she called me for Thanksgiving

815
00:53:34,350 --> 00:53:37,790
once, and she was like, we live three hours away

816
00:53:38,290 --> 00:53:42,030
from each other. You want to come? I'm alone. We can go around

817
00:53:42,110 --> 00:53:45,170
and whatever. And I took a bus to New

818
00:53:45,670 --> 00:53:49,010
York. First time I take a bus in US Because

819
00:53:49,510 --> 00:53:52,650
I wouldn't come. Like, I wouldn't go out of campus. Honestly, never.

820
00:53:53,130 --> 00:53:57,210
So I go to New York, and she's working there. And actually, I didn't.

821
00:53:57,290 --> 00:54:00,570
I didn't finish school and then went to work with her

822
00:54:00,890 --> 00:54:04,730
during my vacations, I went to

823
00:54:04,810 --> 00:54:08,090
UN to work with her. So I met lots

824
00:54:08,590 --> 00:54:11,290
of ambassadors. I met about Agenda 2030,

825
00:54:12,390 --> 00:54:16,350
and I would go to the meetings. And I remember once she didn't

826
00:54:16,850 --> 00:54:20,390
tell me, and I was so badly dressed up, and,

827
00:54:20,790 --> 00:54:23,990
oh, my God, I learned my lesson there. And we.

828
00:54:24,310 --> 00:54:27,709
We went around New York. I lived in there with

829
00:54:28,209 --> 00:54:32,190
her for a couple of months, helping. And then I would always

830
00:54:32,690 --> 00:54:35,590
go back and visit her. That's awesome.

831
00:54:37,280 --> 00:54:40,400
Unbelievable experience. I was there,

832
00:54:40,640 --> 00:54:44,080
and I. I couldn't believe it myself. Like, I'm like,

833
00:54:44,320 --> 00:54:48,480
un. And I'm not, like, outside, like, visitor. I am

834
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,920
in. Yeah. Like, I am meeting the ambassadors. Like,

835
00:54:52,240 --> 00:54:56,120
I couldn't stop. Like, today to the date. I cannot

836
00:54:56,620 --> 00:55:00,320
stop being grateful. Like, so yesterday I was grateful.

837
00:55:00,820 --> 00:55:04,880
Like, I was so shocked that yesterday I finally had time to realize

838
00:55:05,380 --> 00:55:08,480
you are here. And to me,

839
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:10,480
it's just a major Blessing.

840
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:16,400
I think, 1. Your story has

841
00:55:16,900 --> 00:55:19,560
a lot to it, and there's a lot of things that people can take away

842
00:55:20,060 --> 00:55:24,080
from it. But I think one of the things that really strikes me is

843
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:27,680
to not let opportunities pass you by.

844
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:30,000
If you have an opportunity to do something,

845
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:33,870
even if it seems so scary, take it.

846
00:55:33,950 --> 00:55:37,190
Because you never know where it'll lead you. And you. You know, you never know.

847
00:55:37,690 --> 00:55:42,270
It doesn't mean you don't have to work hard, but take those opportunities because they

848
00:55:42,770 --> 00:55:46,190
could be, you know, the beginning of your next big

849
00:55:46,690 --> 00:55:50,270
thing, your next big adventure. Yes. That's. That's something

850
00:55:50,770 --> 00:55:54,030
that I tell everyone else. I'm afraid all the time.

851
00:55:54,510 --> 00:55:57,630
I am afraid of going on stage and singing.

852
00:55:58,110 --> 00:56:01,560
I am afraid of traveling. I just

853
00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:05,080
know I have to take it. If doors open, I. So I

854
00:56:05,580 --> 00:56:09,680
trust my intuition. I trust God. Yeah, he wouldn't open those

855
00:56:10,180 --> 00:56:14,320
doors for me if he didn't want me to go through. Yep. And I

856
00:56:14,820 --> 00:56:18,280
might not believe in myself all the time, and I might not be

857
00:56:18,780 --> 00:56:22,000
so confident, but being confident and believing in yourself

858
00:56:22,500 --> 00:56:25,800
is not something that you just do. Just start walking, and then you

859
00:56:26,260 --> 00:56:28,500
somehow get it in the process. Yeah.

860
00:56:28,900 --> 00:56:32,340
So I take all the opportunities and I believe

861
00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:36,540
that he like, I believe that my heavenly father has promised

862
00:56:37,040 --> 00:56:40,940
lots of things to me. And I just, whatever door I

863
00:56:41,440 --> 00:56:44,740
see opens for me, I go through. And if they're not meant for me,

864
00:56:45,240 --> 00:56:49,140
they will close right away and I'll know it's not failure,

865
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:53,100
it's redirection. Yeah. Amazing. I love it.

866
00:56:54,060 --> 00:56:57,540
So we're now back in Panama. How did

867
00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:01,260
you come back? Well, I finished my major,

868
00:57:01,420 --> 00:57:05,020
I finished studying. I had two options.

869
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:09,100
I could go back, I could stay there or come

870
00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:13,580
back to Panama. I could work there for three years

871
00:57:13,660 --> 00:57:15,900
with a visa or a work permit.

872
00:57:16,540 --> 00:57:20,840
And it was a truly hard decision. But I realized in

873
00:57:21,340 --> 00:57:24,480
the process that, yes, I love studying, I love science.

874
00:57:27,520 --> 00:57:31,120
I accomplished a big dream, all of it,

875
00:57:31,600 --> 00:57:35,040
even getting to see an apple tree, that was a big dream.

876
00:57:35,540 --> 00:57:38,920
And the snow. I did everything I could, but I

877
00:57:39,420 --> 00:57:42,800
knew that if I stayed, yes, I would be able to

878
00:57:43,300 --> 00:57:46,080
live well and have a good salary and all that and,

879
00:57:47,310 --> 00:57:50,750
but it would be more about me. And I wasn't meant for that.

880
00:57:51,230 --> 00:57:52,910
I've known since I was,

881
00:57:54,190 --> 00:57:58,310
I was nine years old and I already knew that. I have. People do

882
00:57:58,810 --> 00:58:01,230
not understand when I tell them I don't know,

883
00:58:01,710 --> 00:58:05,310
but I was meant for something and it's not something for me.

884
00:58:05,810 --> 00:58:08,990
It's meant to serve others. I have a bit like, I,

885
00:58:09,490 --> 00:58:12,870
I don't know. There's, there's sometimes I repeat to myself, I was born for

886
00:58:13,370 --> 00:58:16,510
greatness, but greatness doesn't mean something extremely big. It's,

887
00:58:17,010 --> 00:58:20,540
it's, There are different kind of greatness,

888
00:58:21,260 --> 00:58:25,500
but mine, I know I was sent here

889
00:58:26,380 --> 00:58:29,580
to do something and it's not for me. And if,

890
00:58:30,140 --> 00:58:33,780
and if I stayed working as a biochemist in

891
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:37,740
us it was going to be all about me and my heart, my soul would

892
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:40,700
not be following the path that it's supposed to.

893
00:58:41,820 --> 00:58:45,810
It was a truly hard decision. But I, I, I told

894
00:58:46,310 --> 00:58:49,090
myself that if I was ever going to serve people, I,

895
00:58:49,650 --> 00:58:52,850
I got to start with my own people. Yeah, I love my country.

896
00:58:53,410 --> 00:58:56,530
I never stopped missing it. I cry every

897
00:58:57,030 --> 00:59:00,690
time I see my people dancing or just the most simple thing like

898
00:59:01,010 --> 00:59:04,410
saying hi or like things that

899
00:59:04,910 --> 00:59:07,810
I know are different from other people that makes us different and special.

900
00:59:08,450 --> 00:59:11,930
And I came back and I am not working

901
00:59:12,430 --> 00:59:15,330
as a biochemist right now. And I am not.

902
00:59:15,810 --> 00:59:19,330
Sometimes I do doubt myself and

903
00:59:19,830 --> 00:59:23,570
trying to figure out what path I'm taking, but I

904
00:59:24,070 --> 00:59:26,770
know for sure. I am an activist.

905
00:59:27,570 --> 00:59:31,410
I am going to advocate and defend children in

906
00:59:31,910 --> 00:59:35,860
vulnerable Situations, especially institutionalized children and

907
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:39,820
women rights. I, I believe a lot

908
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:43,420
more in myself if I, I believe I could be president of Panama one day.

909
00:59:43,900 --> 00:59:47,900
But I would only do that if, if it helps

910
00:59:48,400 --> 00:59:52,060
other people. Not for me, because it's, it would be a huge sacrifice.

911
00:59:52,620 --> 00:59:56,220
I don't know exactly where

912
00:59:56,720 --> 01:00:00,060
I'm going. I'm just. As doors open, I go

913
01:00:00,560 --> 01:00:03,700
through and they keep opening. Right now I don't have a clear

914
01:00:04,200 --> 01:00:07,860
idea in mind. The only thing I know is whatever I'm doing, I'm doing

915
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:11,340
it with purpose. It must serve a huge purpose.

916
01:00:11,740 --> 01:00:14,860
It must change other people's lives.

917
01:00:15,420 --> 01:00:18,859
And I am also trying to help girls from

918
01:00:19,359 --> 01:00:22,060
the orphanage that I lived in. Yeah,

919
01:00:22,380 --> 01:00:26,620
I think that's beautiful. I don't think you have

920
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:30,100
to or are even supposed to have it all figured out. I think, you know,

921
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:32,970
you do kind of just have to take it a step at a time because

922
01:00:33,470 --> 01:00:36,770
otherwise it would be too overwhelming. Like if you were to tell your 12 year

923
01:00:37,270 --> 01:00:41,130
old self what you have gone through and accomplished,

924
01:00:41,370 --> 01:00:45,130
I'm sure you would have been like, there's no way that wouldn't happen.

925
01:00:45,530 --> 01:00:48,889
Because you can't see, we can't see the

926
01:00:49,130 --> 01:00:51,690
trajectory of our growth.

927
01:00:52,010 --> 01:00:55,770
Right. So we just kind of have to experience

928
01:00:56,010 --> 01:00:59,610
it as it happens. But be open to having that growth

929
01:01:00,110 --> 01:01:03,210
and that evolving. I mean, yes,

930
01:01:03,290 --> 01:01:07,130
sometimes, I'm not gonna lie, it's frustrating because I

931
01:01:07,630 --> 01:01:10,890
had a dream my entire life and I was going, I was going

932
01:01:11,390 --> 01:01:14,970
for that, but I got it. And then I'm like, okay,

933
01:01:15,050 --> 01:01:18,410
then what's next? Yeah. And since like

934
01:01:18,570 --> 01:01:22,170
before I had a north, it wasn't clear, but I

935
01:01:22,670 --> 01:01:26,100
had a north. Right now I have so many things

936
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:29,700
that I could do. Like I, I would love to get into music.

937
01:01:30,660 --> 01:01:34,060
I would love to be a politician. Like so many

938
01:01:34,560 --> 01:01:36,980
things that I could do, I don't know what to do.

939
01:01:38,020 --> 01:01:41,620
So I have decided to start walking and trying. Good.

940
01:01:42,100 --> 01:01:45,900
I fully support that. As somebody that has

941
01:01:46,400 --> 01:01:49,620
said for years that, you know, I don't want to just be one thing.

942
01:01:49,700 --> 01:01:53,490
Like I couldn't pick. And so in my life I've,

943
01:01:53,730 --> 01:01:57,010
you know, I'm not working at the un, but I've done a lot of different

944
01:01:57,510 --> 01:02:01,930
things in my life because I want to have different experiences and different journeys.

945
01:02:02,430 --> 01:02:06,370
And that doesn't work for everybody and not everybody wants that, but that's okay.

946
01:02:06,929 --> 01:02:10,930
I am trying. The only thing I know for sure is that I must serve

947
01:02:11,250 --> 01:02:14,730
purpose. Yeah. That's the most important thing. That my

948
01:02:15,230 --> 01:02:18,250
soul feels like it's going through the right. The things that

949
01:02:18,750 --> 01:02:22,450
I was made for. Yeah, Yeah. I love it. So I have a

950
01:02:22,950 --> 01:02:26,330
question that I ask everybody at the end of each episode, which is through the

951
01:02:26,830 --> 01:02:30,010
lens of your experience, what does compassion mean to

952
01:02:30,510 --> 01:02:33,010
you? Let me try to find my own words.

953
01:02:33,490 --> 01:02:37,410
One of my favorite manuscripts or readings.

954
01:02:37,970 --> 01:02:41,010
It's from Henry Drummond. It's called the.

955
01:02:43,730 --> 01:02:47,280
The Greatest thing in the World, I guess, or the Biggest

956
01:02:47,780 --> 01:02:52,520
thing in the World. And he talks about love and he

957
01:02:53,020 --> 01:02:57,720
defines love as a spectrum, like light.

958
01:02:57,800 --> 01:03:01,240
Have you heard about putting light through a prism?

959
01:03:02,119 --> 01:03:05,560
And light is composed of a lot of things,

960
01:03:06,060 --> 01:03:09,560
and all of those things together make light.

961
01:03:09,800 --> 01:03:13,310
Same way with love. Love is the major of

962
01:03:13,810 --> 01:03:16,550
all virtues, even a lot more.

963
01:03:17,270 --> 01:03:20,790
I guess in the Bible it's described as a lot

964
01:03:20,870 --> 01:03:24,670
more important, not important, but it's bigger

965
01:03:25,170 --> 01:03:28,230
than faith and hope. If I'm not mistaken,

966
01:03:28,730 --> 01:03:32,390
the greatest of these is love. Yes, yes. So I think compassion is

967
01:03:32,890 --> 01:03:36,830
just part of the spectrum. It's just one of the virtues that

968
01:03:37,330 --> 01:03:40,630
when you put together with all of the other things that you can practice every

969
01:03:41,130 --> 01:03:44,510
single day, it creates love. So to me,

970
01:03:45,010 --> 01:03:48,190
compassion is looking at

971
01:03:48,690 --> 01:03:51,350
people, even if they have hurt you,

972
01:03:52,310 --> 01:03:56,070
looking at the child inside of them, looking at the

973
01:03:56,310 --> 01:04:00,710
wounded spirit, looking like,

974
01:04:00,950 --> 01:04:04,790
seeing through them. I know we cannot excuse people for

975
01:04:05,290 --> 01:04:09,200
what they do, but like, compassion is loving no

976
01:04:09,700 --> 01:04:12,560
matter what. Not receiving anything back,

977
01:04:13,040 --> 01:04:15,360
not expecting anything back.

978
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:19,960
And I. I have couple of people, even from

979
01:04:20,460 --> 01:04:24,960
abroad, that I love that way. Purely unconditional.

980
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:29,040
To me, compassion is my. My people.

981
01:04:29,540 --> 01:04:33,920
Every time I see my own people in the streets, kids in

982
01:04:34,640 --> 01:04:38,080
very vulnerable situations, having compassion

983
01:04:38,580 --> 01:04:41,800
for what they're going through, but also having compassion for the people

984
01:04:42,300 --> 01:04:45,360
that we think are doing great and they're not.

985
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:49,360
They have empty spaces. They might have a

986
01:04:49,860 --> 01:04:53,440
house and they might be economically fine,

987
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:58,120
but there are empty spaces inside

988
01:04:58,620 --> 01:05:02,280
them. So compassion is just one

989
01:05:02,780 --> 01:05:06,530
of the virtues that when put together with all of other things, it makes

990
01:05:06,610 --> 01:05:09,970
love, which is the greatest of all virtues,

991
01:05:10,050 --> 01:05:12,970
the greatest of. Of all gifts.

992
01:05:13,470 --> 01:05:17,090
It's God. It's just that. Wow.

993
01:05:17,570 --> 01:05:21,250
That was an incredibly profound and

994
01:05:21,750 --> 01:05:24,050
beautiful answer. Thank you. Thank you.

995
01:05:25,250 --> 01:05:29,250
I've loved talking to you. I've loved experiencing

996
01:05:29,750 --> 01:05:33,290
Panama with you. And I look forward to continue to do so

997
01:05:33,790 --> 01:05:36,550
for the next couple of days. But thank you so much for your time.

998
01:05:36,630 --> 01:05:39,950
I know it's valuable. You've got a lot going on,

999
01:05:40,450 --> 01:05:43,990
as we all heard. So thank you. You're welcome.

1000
01:05:44,070 --> 01:05:47,710
I'm really happy to have you here. Like, I know it's part of

1001
01:05:48,210 --> 01:05:51,790
a promise that God is fulfilling to me. Thank you for listening to

1002
01:05:52,290 --> 01:05:55,550
the human experience. Everyone has a story, and I'd love

1003
01:05:56,050 --> 01:05:58,950
to hear yours. So be sure to check out the show notes for more information

1004
01:05:59,440 --> 01:06:02,560
about how to stay in touch, do good and love well.